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Jennz
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Topic: Trusting your partner Posted: 26 January 2008 at 11:06am |
I was just curious about trust within other peoples relationships. I know it varies for people, feel free to not answer if you think I'm prying! Just curious really. I had a friend who wouldn't even let her DF have a bachelor party as she didn't trust him
My Dad is married and there is no trust within their relationship- they are still together, have been for years and I would say they will be for a long time yet. Its not something I personally 'get' but it seems to work for them.
I trust DH implicitly. I trust in his love for his children, for me and us as a family- hes an intelligent man and he knows that he would be destroying that if he ever cheated. I also trust that if he were to ever cheat, even though I would be heartbroken, I am strong enough within myself to get over it and build a new life.
I was talking to a friend about DHs 30th and I was saying that we probably wouldn't be able to have a big party for it so I was thinking of sending him and his bestie to Las Vegas for a weekend and she was horrified! She couldn't believe that I trusted him enough to consider letting him go on his own. For me I didn't even really give it a second thought- didn't even occur to me to think along those lines.
So what do you guys think? Where do you fall on the trust scale? Do you think its possible to have a good relationship with little or no trust? Do you think its possible to be too trusting?
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Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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jack_&_charli
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 11:34am |
i trust DH completely. he's been away on a couple of boys trips and the thought of him cheating would never even enter my mind.
i couldn't imagine having a relationship with no trust, for me, i just don't see how you could live like that and be happy at the same time......
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 12:11pm |
Well my DH is building his trust back up with me. We had some issues last year which resulted in him living with his parents for a week.
We now have a good relationship but as for trusting him its not quite up there yet, but I know he can't get up to much in Waiouru at the moment with his cousin there.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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tishy
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 12:22pm |
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In my opinion life long relationships need to be build on trust and communication above all else.
If either of those aren't present then I see the core foundations of any partnership to be unstable.
Maybe your friend had a bad experience in a previous relationship.
My brothers ex-gf accused him of two-timing her in a night club, based on the story from a friend who had only met him once. He went as far to acquire the security video from the night club to prove he wasn't in the building that night but nothing was going to convince her otherwise.
In that case she had been cheated on before and started off each new relationship on the presumption that it was inevitable that it would happen again.
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EmDee
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 12:31pm |
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I completely trust my DH, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship that doesn't have trust and communication for those times when that trust is tested (hasn't happened yet). I agree that relationships need to be built on trust to be happy and fulfilling.
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Jennz
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 12:33pm |
Yeah shes had numerous bad experiences so I do understand why she would feel that way herself- but she knows me and my DH so I thought she might see that differently.
I've been cheated on in my past and it did effect me for a long time- basically ruined my relationships for the next 5 years. But I learned some good lessons and got to a point where I figured I could spend my life miserable not trusting people just waiting for them to prove me right or I could trust and be happy in the mean time knowing that if the worst were to happen, I would be hurt but ok. I don't think if someone cheats on you it hurts any less just because you didn't trust them in the first place.
I think its different working towards building trust vs living in a constant state of mistrust (like my Dad  ).
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Paws
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 2:12pm |
Well I sure as heck wouldn't be sending mine to Vegas for a birthday with his bestie...I'd be horrified at the thought too! Fancy leaving me behind when it is one of the cities I most want to visit!!!
Hehehehe....seriously though...I trust B completely, in any situation. No question.
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Sarah Beth
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 2:38pm |
M & I have had or issues in the past, but that was my trust issue nothing to do with him. I got counselling and now trust him completely.
As for Vegas, I am with Paws, I would tag along too, but then he would be free to do what he wanted (hey, fancy a trip  )
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emz
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 3:26pm |
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I completely trust my hubby, wouldn't be able to live the life we do if we didn't have complete trust in each other. We were separated for 5 months after only being together for 2 (when he first went to Afghanistan). There was no question whatsoever about trust.
I would definitely send my hubby away for a boys weekend. I even helped organise all the guys for his stags night so that he would get absolutely trollied in the best company! But then again I know DH's friends would never put him in a position where he would or could cheat...
The only thing I don't trust DH with is money! He's such a shopaholic!
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Paws
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 4:30pm |
Sarah Beth wrote:
As for Vegas, I am with Paws, I would tag along too, but then he would be free to do what he wanted (hey, fancy a trip ) |
Well I do get my staff travel back next month.....
(sorry for the TJ!!)
Edited by Paws
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HippyMama
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 7:07pm |
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AliaDawn
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 7:23pm |
I trust DF - I don't trust single females in general. (in that way at least) I don't think I'd send him away for weekends like that... even if they have all the good intentions, all it takes is a few too many drinks and they wouldn't even know who they're sleeping with =/ Plus I'd miss him
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Maya
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 7:27pm |
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I'm not sure how a relationship would work without trust?
I trust Willie, from time to time I do get these niggly little doubts but they're based on what we went thru before we separated and he is a totally different person now, I just have little insecurities every now and then. But I do 100% trust him.
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 Maya Grace (28/02/03)
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miss
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 8:00pm |
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I trust DH. I don't believe in accidents happening when people are drunk, but I also don't believe in blaming the woman for a man's infidelity! (it is both not just one!)
But yeah, 100% trust for DH and him for me.
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Maya
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 8:25pm |
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I agree Miss. We had infidelity issues before we separated and I totally held him to account for his part in it. Funny thing is that we got back together 18 months later, yet I have never spoken to the woman again even tho she used to be a very close friend.
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 Maya Grace (28/02/03)
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Bubbaloo
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 8:41pm |
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I totally trust Jesse not and if I didn't every time he has a gig I would be a right mess. He knows I wouldn't stand for it and would be kicked to curb straight away.
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.Mel
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 9:04pm |
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I trust DH with my life, and my kids life no question.
I love him 100% and he's my bestest friend in the world.
Unfortunately I'm questioning that trust at the moment, and it's effecting our relationship. Instead of him being here trying to work it out, he's at a stag do.
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 10:36pm |
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I trust Tobin 100% but he doesn't trust me... I find it VERY hard as it isn't based on reality but on his own insecurity (and depression rah rah)
He is much more trusting now he is on meds though!
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lizzle
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 10:41pm |
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finally am getting trust back with dh, but finding it more difficult to trust that the dishes will be done, if I ask him to. strange I know, but strangely important too.
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3boys
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Posted: 26 January 2008 at 11:01pm |
I trust my DH 99% - but as my father and most of the other men in my life have cheated on me I just can't quite get to that 100% figure.
Edited - sorry, my father didn't cheat on me as such (lol) but I watched him cheat on all of his wivesssss.....
Edited by 3boys
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