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MissCandice
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Topic: Would you bother? Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:16am |
Ok so Kylah is 6 weeks old this week, and has never met her grandad on my side. He never even knew i was pregnant. He walked out on us when i was 4 and i havnt seen him since i was 14..
I just feel bad that shes not going to know who her grandfather was..
Or would you not bother? He is a real loser too..
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Jay_R
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:22am |
Hmmm, thats a toughie. On the one hand your baby girl is entitled to know her grandfather, and have a relationship with him. On the other hand, why would you want to encourage that when he is your FATHER and you clearly don't have a relationship with him?
Personally, I haven't a clue what I'd do. My father passed away when I was just 6 years old, and at the risk of sounding like a cliche, I would give anything to have been able to know him as a person, rather than a photograph and a collection of other people's memories.
If you're not interested in having a relationship with him, then maybe there's no point trying to forge one between him and Kylah?
You'll know what to do when the time comes.
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MissCandice
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:22am |
Just to add some more.. i know how and where to contact him, but im not sure i want him in my life.. let alone hers. Not like he would stick round anyway..
Now im talking myself out of contacting him.
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caliandjack
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:23am |
Unless its something important to you, why bother.
You don't have to have a relatonship with someone just cause their a relative.
As for Kylah, in my experience kids don't miss what they never had.
I met my birth mother when I was 20, (14 years ago) and while it was nice to fill in some of the blanks, I don't have a relatonship with her and probably never will.
Edited by fleury
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  [/url] Angel June 2012
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MissCandice
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:24am |
Hes a very bad role model, i wouldnt trust her alone with him.. He was drinking while driving with his 3 yea old in the car.. hes just generally not a nice person..
Edited by LilAngel4Me
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kebakat
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:25am |
Short answer: no
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Maya
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:26am |
If you're trying to talk yourself out of doing it then it sounds like you probably shouldn't bother. It doesn't sound like you think your Dad has anything positive or constructive to contribute to Kylah's life (and yours) so wouldn't it just be setting both of you up for more disappointment?
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SuziE
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:29am |
kebakat wrote:
Short answer: no |
And I agree with the fact that you dont have to have a relationship with someone just because you are related.
Who needs the stress?
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MissCandice
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:30am |
Emma, your so right. I dont think he has anything at all to contribute, and i know he would just dissapoint me..
All i remember of him was how much alcohol he drank, and how he was always to 'smashed'
He had another daughter a few years back.. she'd be 7 or 8.. id like to see her but dont want to see him..
Decisions aye
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Maya
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:32am |
Do you know who your half-sisters mother is? Maybe you could arrange to see her thru her mum and not your dad so you don't have to contact him?
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 Maya Grace (28/02/03)
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  The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
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MissCandice
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:37am |
Yeah i know who she is and where she lives.. i just dont have a contact number for her and dont want to risk turning up and hes there..
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:40am |
I don't know my real grandfather on my mum's side. He walked out on my nana when my mum was 6 and it has been no great loss.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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caliandjack
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 11:40am |
Have you got an address for your half-sister? Maybe send her a letter, via her mum and arrange something thru her.
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Snappy
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 12:22pm |
i went through this with my daughter. DHs mum didnt raise him but flew in and out of his life as she pleased. We've tried to get along with her twice now but all she does is cause us grief.
she told people that our daughter smelt and that i must not be taking care of her. That was it for me!
we gave her one more chance last year but she blew it.
Wished we had never started as janaya is always pointing out at her grans house to ask if she can go there now.....
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AnnC
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 12:32pm |
DH dad hasn't seen rhyley - nor wil he probably ever (Theres issues there and so rightly so) and so i don't think its a big thing. IF rhyley choses to want to see him in years to come thats his choice.
It sounds like you feel guilty about it cause you think she might ask in years to come how come and blame you or soemthing - it won't happen. You do whats right and just when the time comes answer questions as to why not as honestly (without name calling) as you can.
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Ann
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busymum
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 12:48pm |
It's going to take a lot of time and visits etc to build that relationship so you can really only do it if you yourself are keen to rebuild the relationship between you and your dad. Cause you're gonna be there whenever she visits.
Give yourself some time, babies don't recognise people from month to month until they are past 1yo.
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Anna
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 1:12pm |
I have the exact same situation, and my answer is nope. My father has not ever met my children, he knows I have two but doesn't even know their names. They are not missing out on anything.
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james
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 1:43pm |
i say no james has never seen his dad and hes not missing outt on much and when the time comes james can contact him when hes ready
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Kellz
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 3:17pm |
Surround your child with people who love her, they dont need to be related at all to feel that, and be great positive role models!
She doesnt need to meet someone just beacuse they are related by blood when you clearly dont think he has anything to offer her, or yourself.
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MissCandice
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Posted: 24 September 2007 at 6:04pm |
Thank you guys.. you opinions have really helped
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~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~
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