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mummy_becks 
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 Topic: Older Parents
Posted: 25 January 2008 at 9:26pm |
My friend asked me today what I thought of people in there late 30's having children. And I told her that its fine; they have waited to have children and so long as they are happy its all good.
She said it is unfair on the child (I totally disagree) to have older parents.
Her example is that her BIL is now in a new relationship with a younger girl, he is 37 and she is 26. She is now pregnant and she things that the baby will miss out as her BIL is older and has older children from his previous relationship (they are 16 and 14).
Strange thing to say isn't it???
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Bubbaloo
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 9:29pm |
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I don't have a problem with it as they your as old as you feel and people live longer these days and seem to have more of a quality of life I have a few friends with older parents and they never seemed to mind.
it does seem like a strange thing to say though.
Edited by Danni-chick
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Jennz
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 9:38pm |
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What about women in their 60s though? I think there comes a point, I don't know when it is though, when it becomes selfish. Just my opinion though!
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EmDee
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 9:40pm |
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That is strange. My mum was 35 when she had me and there are the following age gaps between me & my brothers and sisters (all older) 7, 14, 15, 16. I don't feel like I missed out on anything. It may have been nice to have a siblng closer in age, but thats about the only thing I can think of ...
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Kels
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 9:41pm |
I dont see anything wrong with that age, thts not old I thought you were going to say something like BIL was 57 or 67. Who ever was saying that must be jealous her BIL's girlfriend is preg
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Maya
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 9:43pm |
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I agree Jennz, 60 is a bit OTT.
Then again, Willie is 49 and has older children in their early 20's. I have no issues with it, but I am aware that he's unlikely to be around when the kids are adults (he has a few health issues), I just try not to think about it.
That said, being an older parent isn't for me, purely coz I started so young. When I had Maya I decided that 30 was my cut off, and Iggle Piggle is definitely our last baby. I just don't want to spend my 20's and my 30's with little babies, I didn't get the whole career thing with starting so young so I'm keen to do it when the kids are a bit older coz I won't be that old.
Given the choice I would probably have waiting till my early 30's to start my family but Maya arrived and changed my plans!
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tishy
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 9:47pm |
 Jennz wrote:
What about women in their 60s though? I think there comes a point, I don't know when it is though, when it becomes selfish. Just my opinion though! |
This I have to agree with. Especially after the story of the 60+ (can't remember exactly) year old woman who lied about her age to get IVF.
In the situation of late 30s then I don't see it as being a problem at all.
Maybe your friend wouldn't have as much of an issue with it if her BIL didn't already have older kids.
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HippyMama
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 9:55pm |
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Tishy, the woman you're thinking of is now 66 - a lady in Italy I believe, and she had twins.
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Kels
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 9:55pm |
I had my first in my teens and 2 in my 20's and am planning hopefully 3 more in my 30's. I hope no one classes me as an older parent in my 30's as some people are only starting their families in their 40's and I think that is fine too.
I have a career and I am doing 2 papers towards my masters this year so I still get to have both my kids and a career and I love it! Mums can do anything!!!
Ekk off the topic
BUt yeap totally agree that there does have to be a cut off point.
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Paws
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 10:00pm |
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Does seem strange! I don't think 37 is partiuclary old...as the child of older (adoptive/legal guardianship) parents however I can say from my point of view it could suck.
I lost my father to a heart attack when I was 20 and my mother has been in a nursing home for around 2-3 years now...growing up everyone thought they were my grandparents and I definetly don't think they could do as much with me as younger parents. They were great parents but still...in same ways it was vastly different for me than my friends parents.
It was one reason why I never wanted kids particulary late in life.
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 10:02pm |
You are right Jennz about the people in there 60's I watched a doco on a woman in England trying to have a baby and she needed an egg and a sperm donor (I think) and a surrogute to carry the baby. I thought that was unfair (she never did - as far as I know - have a baby).
But people in their 30's aren't old and are fine to have a baby.
I did wonder jealousy but she dosen't want anymore so her DH had the snip late last year.
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NovemberMum
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 10:04pm |
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my dad's parents passed away when he was 7 and 14 they would have been in their late twenties to mid 30s at a guess so they had him when they were fairly young. on the other hand my nana (not my biological nana) had her youngest at the age of 45 and is still alive and will be 92 in may.
but yeah I do think 60 is way too old I always said I wanted at least one before I am 35. and I may end up changing that to 2 ...(I have 3 years left).
I guess one of the advantages is if you have your first in your late 30s say 37 ..and you bought your first home when you were say 22 and you and your partner worked hard to get rid of most if not all of that mortgage when it came time to starting a family it is financially easier for the mum to stay home if she wishes. but personally dont think I could have waited that long :)
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lizzle
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 10:07pm |
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then again, sometimes younger parents may have more energy to do things, but be less finanical able to - more likely to have to work, so baby is more likely to be indaycare. Personally I think there are pros and cons to having a child whenever, and certainly don't think being an "older" parent is bad at all. At my playcentre most of the women there were in there lkate 30s with toddlers. They had had careers and most were now financially able to chose to stay at home. Some did part-time work, but that was amore a want rather than a need./
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caliandjack
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 10:07pm |
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I'm starting my family in my late 30s i'm 35 this year, and I'm glad I waited I was far too immature to look after anyone but myself in my 20s. Also I didn't meet DF until I was 27 so no chance of having them young.
I too was adopted by my parents when they were 30, my mum died of cancer a few years ago at 60 and I have a fantastic relationship with my Dad.
I don't agree with people past menopause having children, if the clocks stopped theres a reason for it.
Why does your friend think its unfair on the children?
Edited by fleury
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 10:10pm |
fleury wrote:
I don't agree with people past menopause having children, if the clocks stopped theres a reason for it. |
So true there
I don't know exactly why, maybe its because he has older children already? Or that the whole family doesn't think that the relationship is actually going to last.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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cuppatea
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 10:21pm |
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I don't see the problem with 37 either, it is hardly old Perhaps she just doesn't like the age gap between him and sister and the whole being too old for children is really that she thinks he is too old to be with her sister?
I also think there does get to a point when it becomes unfair to the child, I remember a pic of David Jason in the UK papers when he had his first child and I think he was 67 (or there abouts) and I felt sorry for the baby because in all likelihood s/he will not know her/his dad for very long and will miss out on a lot of the things even when he is alive because there is a limit to what things a man that age can do. (no matter how young they feel)
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Kels
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 10:22pm |
I totally agree with the menopause thing too. Mather nature has these rules for a reason lol
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linda
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 10:40pm |
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We're trying for number three and I'm 40....but don't feel 40. I love being a mum, we have great kids, we're great parents (if I may say so) and we would both like one more! Some say 18 is to young.....each to there own.
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 10:44pm |
Thats what I think as well Linda, you are happy to have another one.
People say I was too young at 22 to have a baby.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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.Mel
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Posted: 25 January 2008 at 11:01pm |
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My mum and dad had me at 18/19yrs old and then had my sister at 23. My parents are my buds now, I love hanging out with them. DH and dad get along really well. I remember when I was at school, I always had the youngest parents.. was kind of cool from memory.
I had Conor at 22, Nyah at 30 and Cooper at 35. I'd always said that once I hit 35 that was it, no more kids.
Each to their own I think. My friend had a baby at 41. She'd been trying for years to conceive, and last year was her year.
I think at 35 I'm a young mum. I always say that I'll grow old but I won't grow up.
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Older Parents
