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fattartsrock
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Topic: The Ads are to promote Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:01pm |
world brestfeeding week, not make mothers who can't /don't/won't BF their children feel stink.
I haven't read the whole other thread but I am already pissy about it, I get sick and tired of those of you who don't BF start BF bashing those of us who do, and say how much we love it.
YEs, I know it is hard when you can't and yes I am one of those small tiny amounts of women who are physically unable to feed, but with the help of medication, perserverance and help, i was eventually able to do it. My baby never latched well either he didn't latch on me till he was amost 7 weeks old. I mixed fed him, he had formula too. So yes, I know what it is like to be a bottle feeder.
All the hard work I put in feeding him, meant I grew tissue and stuff and was able to feed charlotte no problems at all.
Yes it is personal choice, but for goodness sake all poster one did was ask if we had seen the ads, not start up the whole lot of you bashing those of us who do BF for being in your face etc.
I think you notice it more and feel like it is in your face more because you don't breastfeed. And as for "judging" and people looking down on you, I personally beleive that is all your own hang ups. people are just happy your baby is being feed, no matter where it comes from.
Flame me all you damn well like, I wil lnot be coming back on here for a good long time I am sick and tired of all the PC bullsh*t of having to watch what you say about bootle feeding but bottle feeders are aloud to go on about Bf beign in your face etc. Imagine the outcry if we set up a thread to support BF mums.
Rant over.
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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:07pm |
fattartsrock wrote:
Imagine the outcry if we set up a thread to support BF mums. |
I think a thread to support breastfeeding mums is a fantastic idea! I sure know I could have used one in the early weeks before we got our BFing sorted.
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BuzzyBee
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:10pm |
Couldn't have said it better Annie.
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Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :)
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.Mel
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:16pm |
Ok, having been a breastfeeding mother of my first two children, and then ending up being a bottlefeeding mother of my youngest child....I can see both sides of the debate.
I do think that some people are being a tad overbearing with their opinions and there needs to be some respect for all mums.
We are all adults here and we need to take a step back and remember that it's not about what you feed your child, its about giving your child love, cuddles and food! Whether it is from a nipple or a teat shouldn't be relevant.
I have said this before and will say it again. This is a public forum and if you put your opinion out there, be prepared for negative and positive responses.
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arohanui
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:19pm |
Hey I don't think the debate in the other thread was getting out of hand at all, in fact to me it seemed quite respectful??
Personally yeah I love breastfeeding but I try to put myself in the place of others, to think about how I'd feel seeing the ads if I was unable to breastfeed or gave up. And to tell the truth, yeah I would feel stink. Not because that was the aim of the ads at all, but because I'd be sensitive about it. So I think you're right in saying that yeah you'd notice it more if you're not breastfeeding. Just like if your grandad just died and you saw an ad with a grandad and grandaughter in it, it would really affect you.
But in saying that, I think sometimes we just need to be sensitive towards people who breastfeed and those who bottlefeed. I know my friend from coffee group was really self conscious about bottle feeding, and if we hadn't have been supportive she could have been really isolated. And personally I don't want that.
Isn't there quite a few threads set up for BF mums? I know I've posted a couple since my boy was born, and I got great support!
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Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and...
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Bubnumber2
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:20pm |
Bashing? Can someone please point out the post where a breast-feeder was "bashed"?
If you love breast-feeding, good for you! I'm sorry, but I didn't see anyone say that you were in the wrong for doing so/being proud it. And saying that these 'negative' comments are just your own hang ups, well I'm sorry but that's complete bollocks. Sometimes maybe it's just being over-sensitive sure, but I have heard comments and heard from friends who have had comments, and in NO WAY are they a result of hang ups. They are a result of a person, quite often a stranger, who can't learn to shut their trap on things that simply aren't their business.
I stated in the other thread that often this can go in reverse too, I'm sure there are many breast-feeders who have gotten an overly interfering idiot who feels they have a right to an opinion over their child too.
I didn't think the thread was so bad, certainly I've seen much much worse, but clearly you feel '"bashed", and that's your choice.
Frankly I think a support thread for breast-feeding mums is a great idea. Even though I formula fed, I still think it's great that others breast-feed so well. I intend to try again with this coming baby.
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ChundaMars
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:20pm |
.Mel wrote:
I do think that some people are being a tad overbearing with their opinions and there needs to be some respect for all mums. |
I would add that the above applies not just to BFing, but everything really! Why do people (particularly women) get so upset about stuff that doesn't affect them? <shakes head>
Don't sweat the small stuff ladies!
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arohanui
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:25pm |
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Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and...
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:25pm |
.Mel wrote:
I do think that some people are being a tad overbearing with their opinions and there needs to be some respect for all mums. |
ChundaMars wrote:
I would add that the above applies not just to BFing, but everything really! Why do people (particularly women) get so upset about stuff that doesn't affect them? <shakes head>
Don't sweat the small stuff ladies! |
Oh, ChundaMars.... you're playing with fire now
But I have to agree with you both.
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:27pm |
.Mel wrote:
We are all adults here and we need to take a step back and remember that it's not about what you feed your child, its about giving your child love, cuddles and food! Whether it is from a nipple or a teat shouldn't be relevant.
I have said this before and will say it again. This is a public forum and if you put your opinion out there, be prepared for negative and positive responses.
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I agree with this completely!
Edited by MrsMojo
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ChundaMars
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:34pm |
I know, shhhhh! I might get found out!
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ooEvaoo
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:47pm |
We really shouldn't be judgemental. For those of us who are lucky enough to be able to breastfeed, it is such an awesome experience, but if a women is unable to breastfeed, we should not condemn them. People make judgements on face value sometimes and just because a baby is being bottlefeed doesn't mean that it is any less loved or bonded then a breastfeed baby. My nephew who is 5 now was fully bottle fed, not because my sister didn't want to breastfeed but because she physically couldn't because biologically he wasn't hers, yet she would have given the world to experience the wonder of breastfeeding again. What does get to me is mothers who decide to bottlefeed from the get go just so they are able to drink alcohol and go out. I have a friend who was like that with both her babies and it really disheartens me.
We should be supporting all mothers,whether breastfeeding or bottlefeeding.
Edited by ooEvaoo
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AliaDawn
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 2:54pm |
I found it nigh impossible to BF, and ended up giving up, but I don't find ads like that offensive - I think they're a great idea. Yes, breast milk is best (unless you're a cow, or a goat, or a soy bean? ) It's not rocket science, it's not offensive, it's a simple fact, that sadly alot of people (generally NOT people who bother to join great sites like this) don't understand. It is a completely different issue to people who struggle with/can't BF, and needs to be seen that way to avoid all these fights.
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FionaS
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 3:06pm |
Have many of you come under direct attack for your choice? i.e. someone come up to you to tell you that you are doing the wrong thing? Or is the attack more perceived i.e. based on your interpretion of what others might be thinking? I know on some issues (not child related) I sometimes feel defensive if someones view on something close to my heart differs from mine. For me feeling defensive is usually a clue that the issue is mine and not the other persons.
I hear people saying they are pro-one-choice-or-the-other but haven't really heard of anyone who directly criticises another for their choice. For e.g. saying "I formula feed" doesn't necessarily imply they are anti-breastfeeding and vice versa. I realise those people are out there but are they really that common?
Just a genuine question....
I was a breastfeeder - breastfed until 14mths with no formula and I loved it. But my dd was an excellent feeder so we were very blessed in that regard. Had we struggled, the outcome may have been different, I don't know. I'm not prepared to make a blanket statement when I haven't been there.
In my experience, if I were to generalise, I would say I hear more breastfeeders attacking bottle feeders than the other way around and yet it is the breastfeeders who say they feel attacked. I know a lot of bottle feeders and not one of them think negatively about breastfeeding, in fact many are sad they couldn't do it.
Sorry - I hope that wasn't too bold, it is simply my experience...nothing more.
What I'm trying to saying is that I don't think many of us actually judge others on this issue at all so maybe we all need to take a step back, turn our personal defensive-meter off and accept that different strokes work for different folks - regardless of our personal choice.
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Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley
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Bubnumber2
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 3:08pm |
We should be supporting all mothers,whether breastfeeding or bottlefeeding.
If there was a thumbs up smilie, I would use it right now. Kindly pretend that you can see one.
I don't really see what the huge issue is here? You're obviously proud to be (or have done) breast-feeding, and you have every right to be. I don't see why everyone can't just be honest about how they feel about these things.
People should be able to talk about breast-feeding, support each other when it gets hard. Likewise, bottle feeders should be able to state how they feel if they're feeling that 'breast is best' is being pushed on them too much, or when someone says something to upset them about it. Why can't both be talked about?
I know this is a controversial topic, I just can't understand WHY it's a controversial topic. Babies are being fed, and parents are doing what they feel is best. Why aren't we all getting this upset over the babies who are dying from neglect, who aren't being fed at all? Rarely does that topic get this much of a fire up.
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Bubnumber2
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 3:14pm |
Anyway, I think I'll leave this topic alone now, I don't think much more can be gained from it.
I've already gone on and on a bit anyway, I don't mind if people don't agree... I just like making my point, even if no-one really wants to know it.
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arohanui
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 3:15pm |
Bubnumber2 wrote:
We should be supporting all mothers,whether breastfeeding or bottlefeeding.
If there was a thumbs up smilie, I would use it right now. Kindly pretend that you can see one.
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Here you go!
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Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and...
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Bubnumber2
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 3:15pm |
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arohanui
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 3:21pm |
Lol happy to be of assistance It's there when you click 'more' under the emotions (though you probably know that and just didn't see it). Though .Mel is the queen of finding random obscure emotions...
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Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and...
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MummyFreckle
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 3:31pm |
FionaS wrote:
Have many of you come under direct attack for your choice? i.e. someone come up to you to tell you that you are doing the wrong thing? Or is the attack more perceived i.e. based on your interpretion of what others might be thinking? I know on some issues (not child related) I sometimes feel defensive if someones view on something close to my heart differs from mine. For me feeling defensive is usually a clue that the issue is mine and not the other persons.
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Hi Fiona - I had several incidents where complete strangers passed comment to me or asked me (what I would think now to be inappropriate) questions.
Example being - in a parents room giving Oli a bottle at about 6weeks old (he had only just gone exclusively to f/f) when a middle aged woman with 2 toddlers in tow....came right up to me....stuck her face in mine and said "Isnt your baby too little to be on the bottle....stick him on the breast he'll be much happier"....WTF....at the time I just ignored her, as I wasnt in an emotional place to deal with that. I had another comment from a woman at a plunket coffee group / talk who said to me (when Oli was grizzling)...."just stick him on your boob that will quiet him down"...when I repsonded that "actually he is on the bottle" (quite brave of me really) she responded really loudly by saying "you will regret that decision!".
I guess the worse one for me was the lactation consultant at Birthcare who we saw a week after we got home (so Oli was 2 weeks old), who basically told us in a very sharp way that because we had been topping him up with formula he was going to get asthma and allergies.
These comments basically made me so paranoid and nervous about people seeing me feed Oli, that I stopped going out without DH, and thats when the PND set in.
I think "sticky beaks" have a lot to answer for.
ETA: I think that new mummies are emotionally stressed / confused / tired and often people who are well-meaning can just seem to be having a dig. But to honest - its none of their damn business.
Edited by SimSam
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