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pikelets 
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 Topic: Gone....
Posted: 10 March 2009 at 8:31pm |
DH has left.... 
He loves me but is unsure if he is inlove with me so has left to see if he will miss me. Nice one!
DS just turned one
So, I can sit around and wait....or start to plan my future.
I am going to get on with my life and if he ends up in it thats a bonus I guess.
We have to sell the house and lose ALOT of money. Great I will walk away with huge debt. I haven't actually worked it out but will be at least $15k I reckon probably $20k.
How on earth am I going to financially survive? I am trying to get an appointment with WINZ asap.
How much is the dpb including accommodation allowance and what else can I get. I supposed to be going to fulltime next month but now I just cant do that and be a single mum. I am seriously considering going to 3 days as I dont want to leave work completely. I dont want to get help from winz but I have no choice.
My life sux right now!
Edited by Star
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Henna79
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 8:34pm |
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my2angels
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 8:36pm |
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pikelets
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 8:37pm |
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Me too. Like most people I guess, I never wanted to become a solo mum and I still think it hasnt sunk in.
There is so much to do and I just dont know where to start.
I really feel for my DS for now and in the future. He knows already that Dada isn't here. It is heartbreaking.
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pikelets
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 8:38pm |
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Thank you.
The house thing is complicated (just to add to the mix). We dont own all of it. DH sister owns half. So at some stage I do have to sell. Better is probably sooner really.
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AandCsmum
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 8:39pm |
Men! I've heard that line before....I reckon it's got a lot to do with being responsible....do they not realise that everything is not always butterflies in the stomach stuff.....
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Kel
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12
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pikelets
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 8:40pm |
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Absolutely Aliasmum!
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floss
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 9:03pm |
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Oh hon, big hugs, I am sorry I don't know what else to say
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My beautiful big girl Sienna 15.04.06
Double the trouble double the fun Noah & Lola 10/11/07
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my2angels
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 9:04pm |
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I know it probably seems horrible now for your DS but really he is to little to know or remember and in the long run he will be fine, he will still have two loving parents but now he wont remember the fighting or bad times that could happen (if they havent already) which is better for him.
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Huggles
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 9:14pm |
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monkey33
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 9:19pm |
No words of wisdom from me either star but hope everything works out for you
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ElfsMum
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 9:23pm |
OMG Star.... no wisdom here either... but far out.. :(
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Mum to two amazing boys!
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kellie
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 9:59pm |
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Big hugs and good luck.
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Bobbie
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 10:31pm |
Star. Sorry you're having to go through this. Sounds like you've got your head screwed on right about all the practical stuff which is fantastic.
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mamazozo
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 10:40pm |
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Aww star im so sorry to hear about this!
Unfortunatly i dont have any wisdom either. However i am a single mum and i can assure you that you will surivive! Its hard doing it alone but its so rewarding aswell!!
The house thing is a bit tricky, why do you have to sell the house because he has left? Does he want his share or something??
Im on the DPB and i live with my parents so only pay $150 board and i get $350 pw which includes accomodation suppliment and Family tax credits. However i have heard of people getting up to $400 and they also help with HP's or mortage repayments etc i think. Going to WINZ sucks big time i hate it but i will admit that they are pretty good about the whole single mum thing.
Good luck with everything, im sure i havnt been much help but just hang in there im sure everything will turn out ok.!!
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ooEvaoo
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Posted: 10 March 2009 at 10:50pm |
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**BIG HUGS** Star. Wow what a bombshell huh. I know that at times my partner and I have gone through this, deciding to go our seperate ways on several occassions (the most recent is right at this very moment...however it's more my issue than his). I am very defensive of myself and of my son, and any remark or situation that threatens my confidence as a person, and as a mother sends me into flight mode where I want to get away from it all and start over. I know I have issues that I need to work through, and maybe this could be the same for your DP. Anywho enough about me!. I think that if there were discussions to sell the house before your DP left, then continue with the proceedings. A case manager at WINZ should inform you of all your entitlements etc.
Edited by ooEvaoo
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busyissy
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Posted: 11 March 2009 at 12:38pm |
Oh I am so sorry about your seperation . How heartbreaking! WINZ will be really good, I know it sucks having to go to them but that is what we have paid all that tax for right? You will be eligible for child support from DH (really that should stand for Dumb husband this time) as well.
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kiwisj
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Posted: 11 March 2009 at 2:12pm |
Aw hun, I have no advice either just lots of Don't feel stink about going to WINZ for help - that's what they're there for.
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SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010
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Aquarius
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Posted: 11 March 2009 at 2:43pm |
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men huh....
dont feel bad about going to winz...
my sister gets nearly $600 awk. i think her rent is about 300-350 so they take that into account. they also will help if you need beds fridge..etc it just needs to be essential for living. of course he will have to pay child support BUT you dont get that (ironic and stupid i know) i think you are entitled to that should you go off the benefit...(not to sure how child support goes) child support is with IRD not winz...
good luck girl
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pikelets
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Posted: 11 March 2009 at 7:35pm |
Thanks everyone. I really apprciate your kind words right now.
I went to Winz as I got an urgent appointment today and we have gone through a couple of scenarios so i need to choose what I am going to do.
It felt awful going in there, I have a good job, a house, had a family and I walked in there with my P&T pram thinking "what am I doing here, this isn't me!" The lady was really nice and helpful (especially when I nearly cried infront of her!). Hate how it is open planned!
DH came around tonight to get some stuff and declared how he still doesnt miss me and it would be easier if he had hurt me (as in had an affair) then the feeling would be mutual. I get the impression he wants me to be the one that says it is over but I'm not. I don't want to tell DS that in so many years time that it was me.
How many single mums are there working out there? I was thinking of working about 30 hrs a week. I cant possibly do fulltime and be sane 
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Gone....
