Did I do the right thing?

When Sam's dad left for Australia, he left in my posession his washing machine/dryer, fridge, freezer and a couch.

The washing machine and dryer were still being paid off.   He said I could use them if I paid them off, and then keep them afterwards. I agreed. I paid the amount each week, except for a few times where he said 'Oh I paid two months off the washing machine and dryer so that you don't have to pay them for a while, to help you out'.   As it turns out, this was a lie and they were repossessed because I thought he had paid a few times and he hadn't.     He then paid them off in full and they were returned to me a few days later.

Fast forward nearly a year later (a few weeks ago). He sent me an e-mail saying "I want a clean break, and to have no ties other than Sam".   Nevermind the fact that I am with somebody else, very happy and very pregnant and have wanted a clean break for years now.   HE has decided it's time to have a clean break because he has 'met someone else' (poor woman doesn't know what she's in for).   As you all probably know, he is a nasty, cruel, abusive sociopath/narcissist.     The e-mail then goes on to say 'I want all of my stuff back so that I can sell it, if you want to buy it all off me, it will cost you $1000'.     Stupidly, I said maybe we could pay it off, because I didn't really want to be without a washing machine or a fridge/freezer with a baby due. He agreed. No money was exchanged, as we were still arranging it.    Another e-mail came through, this one saying "I don't want to sell you my stuff, as I don't want you owing me money, so I will be picking it all up on the 15th of November."

So of course, EVERYBODY has been saying to me "restraining order, trespass order, posession laws, don't give in, stand up to him".    My DP is FUMING, understandably and really wants to let him have it.   But he has agreed to say nothing and do nothing because I don't want any tension or aggro between anybody.

I can't do it.    I want him to come and get his stuff and go away, I don't want to deal with the tantrum from his end and the fact that he would never ever ever in a million years forget about this and would do anything he could to wreak havoc and be a right PITA.

So, I am giving him the stuff back. Because, to be honest, it's just stuff. I don't care about stuff.   MY sanity is worth SO much more than a washing machine.   It really sucks that he has done this a few weeks before I am due, but I know how his mind works and doing it now would be the perfect moment to get me to break or to unsettle me.   He will not unsettle me, I have come too far and healed too much to let him take away my sense of peace.

I have a washing machine lined up as a loan until we can get our own and my mum has an old fridge freezer and the couch is no big deal, so we are ok ATM.

I know most people would have gone down the legal road and I know it is illegal for him to just come and get these things back but I'm thinking long term and being the kind of person that he is,   I know that he is desperate for me to 'make a scene', lose my nerve and stand up to him so that he can feel like he can get to me or control me somehow.   But the only way for me to deal with him is to show no emotion, no anger, no bitterness, nothing.   He gets nothing from me and therefore he goes and gets it from someone else or some other place.

Sorry that was rambled, but I feel like I have avoided a HUGE meltdown by just saying 'ok, have your stuff, I don't care'.

I think you answered your own question:

neeandsam wrote: Because, to be honest, it's just stuff. I don't care about stuff.   MY sanity is worth SO much more than a washing machine.

Esp when you are so pregnant! Good on you for keeping a cool head about yourself and not letting him get to you

and I hope this means you see/hear much less of the creep.

On the 15th, leave them out the front of the house. No contact, no ties. Like you say, it's just stuff and like Lemongirl says, he'll thrive on it if you kick up a stink.

Good riddance by the sounds of things.

Treen wrote: On the 15th, leave them out the front of the house. No contact, no ties. Like you say, it's just stuff and like Lemongirl says, he'll thrive on it if you kick up a stink. Good riddance by the sounds of things.

That's a really good idea Treen, we were thinking of sticking it all in the carport and he can do it ALL himself.   We aren't going to offer him any help at all.   But god help him if he tries to ask for his toaster back because he might just get it flung in his face!!

Edited by neeandsam

Absolutely! Let him do it all himself.

I think you've totally made the right decision. He's looking for a reaction from you and if you don't give him one, he might even feel a bit stink for being so petty in the first place.

As the others have said, leave them out the front for him, and that's that. Think of it this way, a washing machine, fridge freezer and a couch is a pretty small price to pay if it means you don't have to deal with his cr@p anymore (ignoring the child access issues)...

Leave them out the front for him to collect, and arrange a time when you aren't going to be there. As you've said its just stuff.

heh vindictive maybe but I would brake it all first , the guy doesn't deserve for you to be so reasonable about it. But good on you for dealing with it so well.

If I were in your shoes (and I have been in the past) I'd do the same.

Pack up everything that belongs to him, and let him have them (I dumped everything in the rain in his "mates" driveway and left).

PLEASE make sure you keep your self safe - if you haven't given him your address, don't. Leave the stuff out the front of somebody else's house. If he does have your address, make sure you give him a day and a time, and go out ALL DAY, because if he's like the freaks I've known, turning up late or early so he can rock the boat would be just fun.

If you can ask a friend (not your DP) to spend the day at your place to witness him collecting the stuff (and get him to sign something saying it has collected and is in good condition) that would be a good idea.

Signing for it is a really good idea. Also take some pictures of it all before he collects it, so that you can prove what sort of condition it was in when you handed it over.

I think that you are doing the right thing - like you say, at the end of the day its only stuff!!!