how much help with a newborn?

Good morning!

Hubby and I were just discussing his time off work (or lack of) when this baby arrives.  She's our first bubs, and while I've always been really confident looking after children, I'm now starting to realise how little I know about parenting a newborn.  As hubby is self-employed (read that as: if he don't work, we don't pay our bills!)  there's no provision for leave of any kind, making him veeery reluctant to take a week off work for after the birth. 

I was wondering how much help people have found that they needed in that first week or two.  What I'm nervous about is - dealing with visitors when I'm exhausted (yes, I've already made a little sign for the door asking people nicely to come back another time, to use when I get naps - I figure I'll be grabbing my sleep whenever I get the chance and won't want to give it up for anyone but baby!); not having the energy to do what I normally would around the house (which is everything - but hubby rekons he can take care of cooking and housework after work); and being super-emotional but maybe finding myself alone, depending on who is or isn't visiting, and there's something very calming about my DH's company for those emotional times, and it's fair to say I don't find the same from my close family. 

So please fill me in on what sort of help you needed with a newborn baby in the home - practical support, emotional support, any kind really!  I'll stress less about this if I feel a bit more prepared.  Thanks!

Hi Andie,
There are a number of things you can do to prepare yourselves for the first couple of weeks.
1)First off is to tell the essential people (like grandparents) that will visit to come bearing cooked meals and be prepared to help out with the washing when they visit. If you can be relaxed around them and set rules about them not waking the baby and fitting into your routine - excellent. They can be useful with tidying up while your breastfeeding or napping and this could be one of the few times when they will voluntarily help out around the house.
2) Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on baby and yourself for the first couple of weeks. Get to know each other. A wonderful Plunket nurse once told me that you shouldn't clean windows regularly because you won't be able to tell they are windows and you'll walk into them. Take this 'safety oriented' approach with the housework while you are recovering and getting to know you new little person. Housework can wait.
3) Kiddie bathtime in our house is when Daddy's home from work. Because Nick is away at work for most of the day, I've kept bathtime as a special Dad time when he gets home from work. It fits in well with naps and sleep and means that there is a special kid-related job for Dad to do and it helps me out because there are two grown-ups in the house then in case the soap gets dropped or an extra hand is needed. Find a routine that lets you share the kiddie moments together when possible. Also, babies won't melt or develop rashes if they don't get a bath every single day. Really.
4) Nap like a cat. Any opportunity you get, nap when the baby is napping. I used to time the baby naps so that I could have a shower during one, naps during the next two, talk on the phone or use the computer for another etc. Even if you aren't sleepy, try and have a sit down and quiet time. It helps to keep the emotions in check of you can rest lots.
5) Get into a walking routine - even if it's just out to the letterbox. Fresh air does the world of good.
6) Vent online - remember the forum is here whenever you need support, happy thoughts or someone to complain with.
Oh - and if you have freezer and pantry space, start filing away snacks and leftovers for post-baby snacks when you don't feel like cooking.
Good luck! (and you'll be fine!!!)

Oh - and in answer to your question - didn't really need any extra support around the house after Andrew was born though the meals that the in-laws brought around were greatly appreciated.

Well, Marie has said it all.
I lived at home during that time so didn't have the same issues you will face, but with everyone working full time, to some extent it was the same arrangement as you would have with a hubby! (Except my Mum knew a bit more about newborns than a man would )

The only time I can think of really needing someone was in the first week, when I was still emotional and hormonal and holding a screaming baby while being upset myself was just making it worse. At that stage, being able to hand Hannah to someone else for a little while was a godsend. Every now and again I would let Mum deal with Hannah while I had a nap, under strict instructions to bring her to me when she was hungry (knowing Maman would recognise the signs). That meant I could sleep knowing that I was not needed and reassured that when I was, I would be called.

So yeah, it does help having someone close by, but has to be someone you trust. Is your mum nearby or MIL (who you don't hate?)? Not imperative, but helpful.

Aw poor Taine lmao

i am living with my family which tured out to be a godsend as james had a undected heria which he screamed for 8 long horrable weeks and if i had,nt had my mum who nos what would of happen my advice wounld be dont be aferd to ask for help even if u have to ring a friend your hubby the health line when it all gets to much good luck with your new bubs

With Paris mike had 1 week off - onc ei got home that is - and i had my sis come to stay when paris was 2 weeks old. for me that was good help - cos by then i now realise i was in deep with PND.. i remember sitting up feeding paris one night in the early hours in our lounge and looking up thinking that the figures in our large black and white pic of me and mike were moving.. so either was having hallucinations or was VERY sleep deprived.

other than that mum came over to help but got to the point where i resented her and felt like she thought maybe i couldn't handle it myself. I was weird... i admit.    

so the answer is, as much help as you think you need. Maree covered lots. Set boundaries and make sure that you tell people if you aren't comfortable with some people helping out with certain things (ie those are the things that you really want to do YOURSELF)

with ayja mike took time off - again once i came home from hospital - no use using up days when i am stuck in the hospital. by the time he went back to work i was seriously just wanting some time with me and bubs.

Edited by mum2paris

What Maree said!

My mum came to stay for a week, that was great because she let me get on with learning how to look after Maya without interfering, but she took care of the washing, cooking etc. I was terrified when she left at how I woudl cope, but in reality it wasn't so scary.

Willie didn't take any time off, he wouldn't even take time off for the birth lol. But have convinced him to take his 3 weeks annual leave when the twins are born.

lol will be slightly different this time Emma - good on you, he SHOULD take time off.

And extra chocolate!!!

oh yeah...and getting out of pjs makes you feel good too (i can't believe I just said that....in the height of my uni days I would go outside wearing them whereever possible)