Breastfeeding

I guess I already know the answer to this question, but I'll ask it anyway - when do I say enough is enough?

I have tried and tried and am getting nowhere. I am sooooo over the expressing all the time, and so I decided I would give the breastfeeding till the end of the weekend and if it doesn't improve then I would give it away.

But last night I screamed at Maya because she was trying to talk to me while I fed and I was in so much agony. And this morning I had to ask her to leave the room again. PLus Sienna wouldn't stay latched so she was on and off like a yo yo, and every time I latched her it hurt like heck.

Problem is I know from feeding Maya that if I stick with it long enough it will get easier. But I don't know if I can stick it out, or even if I SHOULD given how much it hurts and how grumpy it makes me. It's not fair on Maya, and she gets upset because every time I feed I cry my eyes out.

So I am thinking it's time to chuck it in. The midwife said that the first 8 weeks are the most important in terms of passing on immunity, and the girls are 7 weeks today. I have enough frozen milk to get me thru the next week, plus I will have to keep expressing a little to reduce my supply slowly so they should be able to keep having breast milk to at least 8 weeks.

I just feel so guilty tho. I have such a great milk supply it seems like a waste to give up, and I feel selfish for doing whats best for me instead of what's best for my babies. But then it hurts so much that the thought of having to feed them makes me grit my teeth.

Not to mention the $40 a week to keep the pair of them in formula. But at least I will be able to have dairy again

Its a tough one isn't it! I don't have a yes or no answer for you but I really think you just need to do what is right for you- weigh up the pros and cons eg guilt and money vs you and helping things be ok with Maya- and see how you feel.

I too had an awful time breast feeding/expressing and it didn't get better until she was about 10 weeks. I hated that 3 courses of antibiotic had to go through her system because of my repeated bouts of mastitis and the pain from those first few weeks (and thrush in my nipples!) was unbearable- her spill contained so much blood from my nipples cracking it was just disgusting. I still maintain that for me breastfeeding was far far worse than labour! I am really pleased I stuck with it as once things settled it was great but have decided that if I get 2 bouts of mastitis this time then I am giving up.

Yeah so my advice is a pro con list and maybe set yourself a limit- if such and such happens or doesn't happen (maybe if it hasn't improved by 8 weeks) then you give yourself permission to give up.

Tough choice Emma, but hey, I hope you don't feel guilty no matter what you decide.  Either option is good for your family. 

yeah I was thinking the same Rach, Marlene (k&jsmum) just feed one didnt she? My theory on decisions like this Emma, are that you probably already know what you want to do, make the decision, stick with it and dont look back on it with guilt. You're not being selfish, you are also thinking of Maya here too. Good luck

dont feel guilty, do whatever is right for you.

I think everyone has already summed it up...you need to make the best decision for you and if that is to not longer breastfeed then don't feel guilty at all!! I also stuck with the rule happy mum = happy baby and it worked for me and Maddie.

You are doing an awesome job!

Thanks I rang Plunketline this morning to ask them about how much formula etc. they're going to need each feed and the lady was so good, I fully expected a "don't give up" lecture and instead all she kept saying was "do what's best for you". So I think my mind is made up.

Yummymummy - expressing only hurts when my nipples are damaged, which is pretty much every time I put the babies near my breasts. When they are healed it doesn't hurt at all. But if you want my advice (and I'm going to give it anyway lol ) if you can breastfeed it is waaaaaay easier than expressing. With expressing it means I spend 10-20minutes expressing each feed, then have to feed the girls which takes about 20 minutes, not to mention all the time sterilising the bottles and breast pump, plus they way they scream the house down in the few minutes it takes to heat their bottles (you can't microwave breast milk).

Busymum - the whole heating bottles thing isn't such a big deal as I'm doing that already with the expressed milk. And talking to Maya while I'm bottle feeding is fine, sometimes she even helps, it's just the absoulte agony of breastfeeding that puts me on edge and makes me snap at her. I'mnot sure whether it has an impact on Sienna's kidney or not? I know the breastfeeding is better for Mercedes reflux to a certain degree, but then with the Neocate we can ensure that she has nil exposure to dairy protein which is harder with breastmilk. I will ask the renal specialist about the kidney thing tho.

I guess the big thing is that the girls are now 7 weeks and I feel like if I haven't got the feeding sorted by now then I never will. I still feel hugely guilty tho

Awwwww Emma don't feel guilty. You've given your girls a great start and its not like changing them to formula is going to disadvantage them. I think you're making the right choice.

What everyone else has said you have done an amazing job

Good on ya for lasting as long as you have girlfriend! These last 7 weeks have not been easy for you! And Knowing you, you are going to beat yourself up about it. Just remembering how you were after Maya. But look at what a healthy happy little girl she is. And im sure everyone in your house will be much happier when mummy is happier too because she doesnt have sore boobies and has more time on her hands.