Advice for soon to be adoptive Mum....

Wow, what a nice response! Thanks guys

I will definately look up some parenting courses as well as just try to relax about it. I was feeling guilty for being worried about losing my independance and concerned I'd be crap at this whole parenting thing too! Such a massive change for me, I've given up a well paid fulltime job so I can study and look after this wee boy, so no longer have the finacial independance I had as well. It's all a bit scary but a little less so knowing I have friends here. Thanks heaps, it took me ages to pluck up the courage to ask for help here, even though I've been on the ttc threads for a while now.

Will let you know how I get on.... (with everything!)...  

Hi ladies! Merry Christmas and thanks heaps for all the great responses!

We've just returned from having all 3 kids for two days and I must say I'm tired. But I've made the decision to set a date for our new wee mans arrival, and it will be in just under 3 weeks time. Yikes!! But I must make the decision otherwise I'll be fluffing about for ages worrying about what if's and maybes!  I thought this date would suit as that would give him a few weeks alone with us before shcool starts- he's been going to regular kindy and has had his half day at his new school so is very excited about it, which is good.

I've had lots of good ideas from you guys about activities and have also chatted to DP about my worries abit more these hols. He's trying to be as supportive as he can but I don't think he still quite gets what I'm worried about. But at least he supports us setting down house rules together, attending parenting classes etc. I really noticed how attention seeking this little boy is today- of course that's logical, I know but it's still really hard to deal with sometimes! In the New Year I shall go to Plunket and ask about local support groups, also will visit the library and hunt out books that may help with this situation.

Busymum- thank you for your kind words, we are not going through CYFS, just doing it as a family although both DP and I see the benefits in getting at least legal guardianship of the child. The biological parents are not nasty people or unkind, just a bit hopeless and not interested so there's never been a bond developed. I know they want what's best for the wee boy and recongnise that we can give him a much better home and opportunities than they can (I don't mean that in a bad way, it's a bit hard to explain without sounding big headed- its not like that at all, I mean, I still don't think what I'm doing is that great because I've been worried about it and how good a Mum I'll be etc!! ). Anyway, he will still see them as part of his extended family although I personally think it would be a good idea to limit contact until he is well and truely settled with us. Just so he knows who is who etc!

I also spoke to a couple of members of my family who gave great advice and support if DP and I need a break as a couple. I'm really worried about losing what we have as a couple....especially when we're ttc ourselves. I don't want that to be put on the backburner even though DP said that absolutely wouldn't happen. I'm a bit of a worrier by nature I know but just want to be as prepared as poss and cover as many bases as poss too! I"m feeling better about not being left all on my own to cope with the little guy, and we have actively sought ouy ways so that I at least can still have my own time. I know that probably sounds selfish but I enjoy my own company and solitude sometimes!!

Lastly, I'll definately stay on these boards and ask for help!!! The feedback and support I've had online has REALLY helped at this monumental time of change in our lives. I guess I also need to start looking at this as a new, exciting chapter of my life, not simply the end of freedom and independance!