Joining the PND bandwagon

I worried about B breifly as well, he's had a few moments of wanting to snap at Maddie. It would have been an interesting senario with us both on anti-depressants.

I think we're lucky in that the difference is that while I will want to snap at Maddie, then feel guilty for it then head into a total meltdown becuase I can't control what my emotions are doing, B is able to mentally take those couple of steps back, take a few deep breaths and stay on an even keel. (I am so envious of him!).

At the very least he is better able to walk away and let her cry in her cot for 5 or 10 mins while he takes a few deep breaths where as even though I know crying won't her and still feel like the worst mum out and I feel so horribly tense and yuk.

It is a hard road as Jax has said but worth it once you are on your way to recovery!

The visiting midwife actually commented to Monique (my LMC) that I'm already looking better since seeing Monique and getting the meds and sleeping pills. It was nice to hear because it helps me know that even though there is still a long way to go until I'm back on an even keel, there is a small difference already!

Big hugs Paws!

There was a good article in the last edition of Parenting magazine about partners and how they cope/don't cope with PND.

I have a history of clinical depression too, I was lucky with Maya that I was actually the opposite, I felt like she gav eme a purpose, but I'm struggling a bit this time round. It started during pregnancy I think, but I'm hoping that it's just the baby blues and will pass one I start getting some sleep. But like Paws says, because I have a history, I know the signs and I know to ask for help.

We were lucky in a way that we both got to have skin to skin with the girls straight away. They gave me Sienna after Willie cut the cord then he grabbed her so I could deliver Mercedes, then the m/w took Sienna so he could cut Mercedes cord. I had to fight him for a cuddle tho.

It has def made a differnce to him bonding with the girls, with Maya he was kind of detached the whole time until she was about a year old and started getting interesting, but he is so into the gremlins, he even got up twice last night to help me with feeds.

To be honest, I think more people do get PND in some form (even mild but not the baby blues) but everyone is so busy saying how "normal" it is to feel teary and anxious and worried etc that it gets passed off as baby blues and not necessarily recognised as PND.

Heaps of people said to me that how I was feeling was normal and that it was natural to be overwhelmed. I was the one who recognised that I was a step over the normal baby blues and of course B recognised that I was "slipping" so to speak having seen me suffer from mild anxiety before our wedding.

Going through this now makes me wish there was more education out there for people!

The other thing some people can get is post traumatic stress type thing which can be the same in some ways, and many women get this and it is passed off as PND, or it is a major element of their PND which once addressed can help on the road to "recovery" again.

I found for me,I finally realised alot of my problems were stemming from just that feeling of suddenly being out of control straight after having Paris, when at first everything was good, i had the jab in my leg, placenta delivered, was holding her, then i felt kinda like an impending doom like feeling, felt a little weird, kinda saw the midwives start to get a little more edgy, one came and started furiously rubbing my tummy (i now know this is done to try and 'rub up' a contraction to make your uterus contract and stop bleeding) she did this for a while, then i started feeling a bit worse, they then quickly took Paris away from me and handed her to mike, and it all got a bit hazy from there, can remember one telling me then that i was bleeding and they were trying to stop it, and remember feeling very very scared and looking over at mike seeing him with a freaked out look on his face too. I blacked alot of that out for sooo long, but i truely think that was half my problem, cos for a long long time, when i read birth stories where the mum had had a haemorhage, or something like that, i would get the panic attacks, i then realised oncei finally wrote my own birth story for paris down, i missed that part out pretty much, but i would get shaky thinking about it.

For me i think alot of things contributed but definately, recognising that what happened after her birth was the starting point for it, helped me to actually figure it all out, talk to people about it, and try to get over it.. although, i must be completely honest, as i type i am now shaking and cold feeling. I told one of my work collegues the other day when we were discussing at lunch that type of thing, am glad she left not too long after we had talked about it cos man i was shaky then too.

If something untoward happened or you had things taken out of your control, it can impact big time... something to think about

I was a bit the same Emma, Kobes birth was really up and down with me constantly throwing up, him getting in distress and him being prem, the diabetes etc... and they just took him straight away. I was worried this time round would be the same but it was great but when they started noticing things after she was born I remember sitting on the bed and thinking I dont want to see her till I know is going to be alright, I dont want to get attached and have something go wrong. but looking back it was just such an easy birth compared to Kobes.