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Daizy 
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Joined: 19 July 2007
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 Posted: 01 July 2009 at 7:59pm |
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Bizzy
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 10974
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Posted: 01 July 2009 at 9:21pm |
i think that what you are feeling is normal... but agree that maybe you and hubby should get some counselling - not an easy thing for a man tho, dont they just hate to share feelings....
re your body - weight loss is only 20% exercise, the rest diet.... but if you cant exercise at all then it is much harder...
i def think you should look into other avenues for a breast reduction... and keep buying those lotto tickets... (a breast reduction is something i want too...well maybe a reshape and lift  )
 lots of these from me too... and i agree, time will help eventually....
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WestiesGirl
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Joined: 11 October 2007
Location: Aotearoa - In the 'Sunny' S.I
Points: 4550
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Posted: 01 July 2009 at 9:43pm |
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Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived
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shadowfeet
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Joined: 03 December 2008
Points: 1217
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Posted: 01 July 2009 at 9:44pm |
I've read your story before, and still can't believe how badly you and your DH were treated by the medical 'professionals'.
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Rachael21
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 4700
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Posted: 01 July 2009 at 9:46pm |
I don't really have much to say either except that I think its kinda understandable to be feeling the way you are. What did you and your DH used to do for dates when you first met? Maybe try doing that again?
Thinking of you hun xoxo
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caitlynsmygirl
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Joined: 01 January 1900
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Posted: 02 July 2009 at 12:42am |
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kebakat
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Palmy North
Points: 10980
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Posted: 02 July 2009 at 8:42am |
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DH has been talking to a social worker post Jared but I do not want a bar of it. Like I said in the original post I have a friend who is a psychologist and I do chat to her sometimes. But I can't help but have bad days/weeks.
hehe Rach, DH and I never did the date thing. We hooked up for sex - sounds bad but its true. Neither of us were big on going out on dates. I don't even think we have been to the movies together ever lol.. next time Daniel is at the grandparents I might organise something at home. We can't afford to do something out and about that costs at the mo. In the last week I've spent 90 at the chiro (and that's with acc) and then $30 at the doc and another $40 to get xrays done. Money just doesn't exist until DH's next pay. And I still have more chiro appts to go to.
With the boob reduction. I might change my medical insurance to a more useful policy. If I can't get it done through that (I realise I'd have to have a wait to claim) because I've already asked about it then I might find a way of approaching DH and asking if his parents could pay the rest of it and we pay them back or something. Just an idea anyway
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clover
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Joined: 21 July 2008
Points: 2090
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Posted: 02 July 2009 at 9:34am |
Stacey I've come into this thread a number of times and started writing a response but I just don't know what to say. I'm not surprised that after what you've been through you and your DH are having a bit of a rough patch, with time I'm sure it will come right.
Can't help on the boob reduction, I've got the opposite problem!! 
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JessDub
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Joined: 29 February 2008
Location: Hamilton
Points: 323
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Posted: 02 July 2009 at 11:06am |
I really feel for you hun, and hope things will get better for you.
Can I suggest that you and DH start trying to sleep in the same bed again? Not for sex but just for your partnership and intimacy. My DF and I started the separate bed thing after DS was born. It got a little out of hand, relationship-wise, and us sleeping together - just even holding hands in bed - improved the relationship tenfold.
Also, you don't need to be depressed to see a counsellor. Your GP should be able to recommend one. Just try a session - if it doesn't work for you, don't go back. But it can't hurt and as strong as it sounds like you are, another perspective may help. As mums and partners, we do have an obligation to look after ourselves foremost for the sake of our families.
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Nutella
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Christchurch
Points: 2550
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Posted: 02 July 2009 at 5:39pm |
Hey Stacey. I know you don't want to see a counsellor and that you have a friend to talk to but maybe someone you don't know is actually better...
My partner and I went to relationship counselling -he gets depressed and to be honest that was the only way I could get him to counselling, by wrapping it up in couples counselling when I knew that it was not US that had the problem but HIM. He so didn't want to go but since has found the coping mechanism useful and it was really good to get those emotions out that he really was too scared to admit to.
So sometimes even though you think things are not your thing, if you find a counsellor who you click with it can do the world of good. DF is now on antidepressents and isn't ashamed to admit he is depressed whereas before he would never have told people that.
I am not insinuating you are depressed, just saying that sometimes things work when you don't think they will.
And as for the reconnection thing -that is probably pretty important. Start off with small things like going for a coffee together just the two of you, or take Daniel to the park and sit and watch him play. That way there is no pressure on either of you.
Good luck and sorry I can't advise on the boobs or weight..I am def not a good example since am pudgy before getting utd.
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kakapo
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Joined: 04 July 2008
Location: Hokitika
Points: 1314
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Posted: 03 July 2009 at 10:45pm |
Hi Stacey
I'm so sorry to hear you lost Jared . You sound like an incredibly brave, strong woman.
The anxiety you feel towards pregnancy seems like a perfectly natural response to me, given the journey you've been through to date. I just can't even begin to imagine how people willingly become pregnant again after something like this (I certainly don't think I would have the strength to face up to all the "what ifs?" myself). If you feel like reading it, there is a very touching story from one such couple here....the main focus of the story is on their still born son Bryn.
I'm in two minds as to whether to post this next bit, as it sounds very "me, me, me", but I couldn't think how else to word this (so please accept my apologies if it sounds self-centred). Anyways, here goes. We also have one little boy, and like you, before we started our family decided we didn't want him/her to be an only child. We've been TTC for 17 months now with no luck and I have my first appt with an ob/gyn next week to see if we can find out the cause of our secondary infertility. I'm secretly terrified of finding out "the answer", if they can pinpoint one, as I don't want to be told we can't have any more children without drastic medical intervention that we can't afford. But it has made me rethink the "only-child" scenario, and wonder what we might do differently if that becomes the reality. Until recently I'd only thought of the negatives, but I'm slowly realising there are positive aspects too. If by some miracle we can produce a sibling for him (even if that is still several years down the track) it would be a wonderful thing ...but I'm also slowly beginning to accept that it wouldn't be the end of the world if he does have to grow up without siblings.
I guess what I really want to say is, it sounds like you guys have heaps to work through before making any final decisions about whether or not to TTC again - but it's still early days, so try not to put too much pressure on yourselves at this stage. Sending loads of positive vibes and cyber hugs your way.
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nictoddie
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Palmerston North
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Posted: 06 July 2009 at 9:53pm |
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hugs Stacey , not sure what to say either, I know of a couple of ladies who had a very similar experience to you in regards to loosing your very special boy Jared, they both went on to have more children and they were healthy pregnancies and births etc, it is such a pot luck with pregnancy, I know for myself have a prem at 30 weeks was very stressful and we were blessed that she had no diffulculties, I was very stressed with my last pregnancy thinking the same thing could happen again but it didn't , you will know when the time is right and it will be very hard and I pray that you will be blessed with another healthy child hugs xxxx
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