I’m so upset!

I feel like everything with Jackson is one big set back after another.

I have just had a call from his Porse carer to tell me that she is in some financial trouble and can't just look after Jackson one day a week anymore. She needs kids full time so she's gone ahead and organised two other babies to start in two weeks, and is therefore giving us notice.

We put J in care one day a week so the carer could get used to feeding him with the NG tube and get used to feeding him full stop. We clicked really well with the carer and Jackson took to her well too.

I am so upset that she didn't speak to us first. I have to go back to work in 4 weeks, and would have strongly considered starting his four day a week care early. That would have been so much easier than trying to find, and train, and new carer.

If I had an easy baby, this wouldn't matter so much, but right now it is just feeling like another kick in the guts. I have and am trying so, so hard with Jackson, and nothing ever gets better. I just wish for once we could get some good news and not things that make me more sad. When are we going to catch a break?

Awwww

I would have expected that she would have approached you first as well. Surely a week wouldnt have mattered to much in the long run. I really hope you get this sorted, sounds like you've had a rough time.

P.S Where abouts in WGTN are you based? Im a porse caregiver

Aw, Kylie, we're in Tawa.

You know, the more I think about it, I feel that the reason the carer didn't talk to us is because Jackson is in the too hard basket. Why would she want Jackson full time if she could have a normal baby full time?

Maybe I am being oversensitive, but he is so hard to feed, maybe it was too much?

I just don't know how we'll find another carer who will be able to be bothered with my little boy.

This is so hard and I am so scared.

Hugs Laurie - i really understand why you are so upset - I'm sure you will find a carer who will love Jackson. he is such a lovely wee boy

nzpiper wrote: OT but I didnt realise you were having such troubles. I remember all the trouble at the start with feeding and teeth etc but didnt realise it is still ongoing to the point on an NG tube......you poor thing!! Hope things improve. Maybe you are going to have a dream teenager...polite, helpful, tidy etc to make up for the tough start.

Ditto chick! huge huge 's coming your way!!!

hun. There WILL be someone who would LOVE to care for Jackson, I hope you find them soon.

I wish I was near you, I would totally love to help you out hun!!!

Hope you find someone ASAP and big Grrr at the waste of money!

Thanks for all of the positive comments guys. I don't feel like I am doing a good job, a lot of the time I barely feel like I can keep my head above water. It's the hardest thing I have been through in my whole life.

But, after saying we never get a break, I saw a glimmer of hope tonight. Jackson went in his high chair and for the first time in ages he started eating his finger food. He chomped away on marmite toast, and he gagged like crazy and even vomited once, but he kept putting it back into his mouth. And usually his vomits would be stomach emptying, but he controlled himself, and even took a little potato from a spoon. It sounds like such a simple thing for a 10 month old, but for Jackson (who normally nibbles cruskits only) it was huge. I felt so uplifted.

Which makes me believe that we can get rid of this tube. With the support of an amazing Australian forum for tube fed babies that I have found, I have decided that in two weeks we are going to take out the tube and give Jackson another chance. I know he can do it, and I just pray that he will.

Thanks again for the hugs and comments, boy did I need them today!

yay Jackson! It is such a good feeling isn't it!

Marmite toast is one of the only finger foods Catriona eats too

and you do an excellent job Laurie - you are a wonderful mother

 I hope things get better for you and Jackson, you are doing such a great job, I admire your will !