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Natalie_G 
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Location: North Shore
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 Topic: Raising a child alone.
Posted: 21 January 2010 at 4:41pm |
How do you mums do it alone, with young children?
DH and I are now separated and I just have no idea what to do, my mind is rushing around and my stomach is just going round in circles with fear that I will never be able to get enough to live.
I am thinking about the DPB and using this time to go back to uni and get qualified and get off the DPB afterwards and into a job where Ill get paid enough not to worry.
Just the quotes I got from WINZ seem like I just can't do it. But I have know many people who have done it.
Help I am so confused. 
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Mamma2N
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Joined: 15 February 2009
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 5:06pm |
Aww honey, I'm sorry I can't help you, but wanted to send you a great big 
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caitlynsmygirl
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 5:21pm |
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First , remember something important, no matter how much it can feel like it, you are not alone, there are lots of people who will be able to help you , even if that help is in the form of a much needed hug .
I was a single mum for the first 4 and a half years of Caitlyn's life, and its hard at times , you learn where to cut back , and where to make sacrifices, as time goes on it gets a lot easier .
First thing first, find out what else you are entitled to , you are entitled to dental treatment each year, and food grants,they can help with things like bond , also , on those tough weeks , church food baskets can be a god send .
It'll be tough for a while, but its definitly something you can do
good luck , im really sorry to hear about your marriage breakup
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ellabellame
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Hokitika
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 5:29pm |
i agree with all of the above.
also, when i was a single mum, i also found that i had to be really stroppy with winz sometimes to get them to get their A into G. i once had to take mikey into the winz office with a tea towel stuffed down his pants in place of a nappy because i had no money because they said i had to go to some sort of seminar before even making an appointment to go on the DPB.
If things are tough, don't be afraid to go and ask for a food grant to tide you over, that's what they're there for.
i also found that i became a mean budgeter while on the DPB. i would withdraw the whole amount on pay day and then divide it into rent, electricity, power and food. i had a little jar in my cupboard that i would put a certain amount in each week for power and phone and then if there was extra in the jar after those bills had been paid then that was my spending money.
I'm really sorry to hear about the break up of your marriage, these things are never easy, just don't be afraid to lean on people because you are definitely not alone.
good luck
Edited by ellabellame
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Rachael21
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 5:48pm |
Hey I'm really sorry about your separation
I kinda agree with everyone else, don't be afraid to ask for help. I've been really lucky with my parents they have been awesome and have pretty much been the 'other parent' for me while studying.
Financially its all about budgeting, it might look scary now but once you start doing it it's actually quite easy. I am actually better off financially now than when I was with my ex so its kinda been the opposite for me lol Like Kelly said winz have all sorts of grants you just have to ask and do your research to what you are entilted to.
With study there is often a lot of scholarships available, especially if you are part Maori.
Man there seems to be a few single Mums popping up maybe we should start a single Mums support thread...
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Chex001
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Location: Auckland
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 6:44pm |
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Hi AriannesMum, Im going to be a single mum too and I am quite freaked out about it. Im working at the moment but going to have to go on the benifit when baby is born. If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me :)
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Hopes
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Location: Waikato
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 7:08pm |
 RachandJack wrote:
With study there is often a lot of scholarships available, especially if you are part Maori.
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Totally agree that there are scholarships out there, not just based on ethnicity either. It can take some time to search for them, but if you put the work in you can pick up some awards that will really help you out. It's not all about how good your last marks were whenever you last studied, either.
If you do go down the study track, PM me sometime, I can give you heaps of scholarship info. (I won't really be able to point you in the direction of particular awards, since I won't know a lot about the institutions I imagine you'll be looking at studying at, but I can do general info pretty well, it's my job  )
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jano1
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 7:26pm |
Just wanted to say that my mum brought up 3 kids on her own and I remember she went to uni when I was little. I went to creche while she went to classes.
I'm so proud of her for going it alone and studying to get on with her life.
We are all here if you need to chat/ vent or whatever
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mummyofprinces
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 7:30pm |
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Aww hugs hun, same as Jess's offer.... every want to pop round for a moan and a coffee I am always here.
Anything to help you....
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emz
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 7:35pm |
So sorry
I don't know what your ex earnt or anything, but check out if you would be better off getting maintenance for him rather than the DPB (as you would get SFA of any child support, as it goes straight to the govt if you have the DPB).
Ex is liable for half of all costs, fight him tooth and nail to get it if you have to.
Sorry I don't really have much more advise, just thought I'd add that as that's what my lawyer told me when DH left.
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WestiesGirl
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:02pm |
No advice hun just wanted to send you hugs and to say Im sorry to hear of your seperation
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kiwisj
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:03pm |
I have no advice, only big big for you and Arianne. I'm so sorry to read about your separation hun.
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SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010
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kellie
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:26pm |
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Ditto as above. No advice here, but huge, huge hugs for you and Arianne.
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High9
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:46pm |
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Sorry to hear about your separation.
If your family can help in any way then take it! My mum raised me as a single parent, she was at uni for about the first 3 and a half years of my life but she relied a lot on my grandparents to look after me so she was able to study!
I agree with ellabellame and winz and their damn seminars! I went along at 32 weeks to sign up for sickness benefit and was told I would need my doctor to sign a form saying I was pregnant and I should attend a seminar about all the benefits they offer before I could make an appointment to see someone! Thought it was a little funny as I sorta look PREGNANT!
Also there are lots of places that can help you out if you need food, etc, and don't be afraid to ask for help from family or friends.
All the best!
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palomino
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:54pm |
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Nothing to add but just huge cyber hugs for you and Arianne. I hope tomorrow looks brighter
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Hopes
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:59pm |
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Oh, and like a couple of people have suggested, if you get desperate, do try church groups. Speaking from my experiance with ours, they're often more than happy to get genuine requests from people who are just caught a bit short, and would be happy to help. (As opposed to bludgers who make up a sob story and travel round every church in the district trying it on... grr!). If they don't do food packages, they'll probably be able to put you onto someone who does.
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Emmecat
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 9:10pm |
Big hugs hun, so sorry to hear of your marriage break up I may well be in the same boat as you in the not too distant future...not where I ever thought I would or want to be but that's life  I'm also at uni p/t so can help you with any questions if you want 
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Natalie_G
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 10:23pm |
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Thanks so much for all your kind words and advice. I am lucky to be going back to my Dad's place I just feel kinda embarrassed about it.
I have looked at AUT on the North Shore and they have a creche so its looking more like that will be happening. Just have to get a car first which is happening next week.
Thanks for the meet up suggestions. Once I am feeling a little more like a sociable person I will get in contact and we should go to the beach and watch the kiddies play. While we still have summer.
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noodle
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Posted: 21 January 2010 at 11:02pm |
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Natalie_G
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Posted: 22 January 2010 at 11:08am |
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Hey Lana,
Thanks for the offer, I had to go to work today and my Brother and Dad are moving our stuff out this afternoon, so Arianne is at daycare.
I might take a Monday off and come to coffee group to catch up.
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Raising a child alone.
