Gone....

Big hugs star, take one day at a time and don't overdo it love, I have been there and done it but we got back together after a 6 month separation , it is emotionally exhausting and at the end of the day you still have a little person that needs you 24/7, sorry but he is sounding very imature to me!

First of all - Keep your chin up. And take things slowly.

A friend of mine is a single mum, she is doing OK financially. She works full time, and gets a top up from Working for Families. She also has fully subsidised childcare, and the child support payments from her ex partner. All in all she tells me she does pretty well. I think her salary was around $40k?

Also, in regards to WINZ, you can get a benefit to help cover debt for a period of time. Its unlimited (ie no set amount they pay) and its to help those who are having difficulty keeping up with payments while going through a break up or the likes.

I was on the DPB and working. I was studying full time before working too, and it can be done as a single mum, you'll find that you're much stronger then you think you are.

You don't receive the child support payments the father makes (this is to pay your debt to society), unless you choose to receive it and declare it as income.

If you choose to work, you can get up to $80 a week,   with the same DPB payment. If you earn more they deduct quite a bit from the benefit(sorry can't remember just how much, 30c per dollar for so much, then 70c) This is all on top of paying secondary tax on your job too.

Often it's not worth working as you come off only slightly better, especially when childcare is taken into account.

You will get family support from IRD, you can choose to have this as part of your benefit, or a separate payment from IRD.

There are all sorts of extra grants ad temp support they can give (clothing grants etc) but i'm not sure how they work as I never got them. So tell them everything you may need as they will be able to help.

As far as I know, you can only get fully subsidsed childcare if you're under 18 and going to school full time, or studying and having the training incentive grant top up what the childcare sub can't cover.

Good luck!

Hugs Star.

Another option is not going on the dpb (if you are going back to work) as you only need to work 20 hours a week to recieve WFF and if you earn under $1200 before tax you can get a subsidy of $3.51 for up to 50 hours depending on how long you work (they take travel and stuff into account too). You will also recieve child support from babys Dad as if your on the DPB you won't get it. Here is the link for working out WFF WFF You will also most likely be entitled to accomodation supplement here is the link to work out how much you will be entitled to.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this at all

Big to you & the little one. You sound very strong. Don't make any hast decisions too soon, work out what you have & what you need, find what support you can get & get friends & family to help out. If you are going to walk away in that much debt you may need to think of your best options.
I know someone that this happened to she had 2 little kids & ended up going bankrupt, 4 yrs later she still has no debt & a better paying job & has found new love.

So don't give up where there is a will there is a way.
Oh & for the record he is the one that will miss out in the long run.

Morning

 

Huge Huge HUGS to you & your DS....I really hope thngs work out how you want them to....

 

You have defninately been givin some very wise info on here...

 

I've been on the DPB before also & sometimes you are better of just staying on the benefit rather than work &^vise versa...When i worked in the kiwifruit 8am to 4.30pm mon to friday I had my childcare fully paid for $165pw & with my wages plus IRD monies i was getting around about $600pw which was way more than i was getting on the DPB but because kiwi is only seasonal I went back on the DPB. I also got TAS (temporary additional support) also to help pay some of my car repayment...It's not so bad being on a beni but I definately know what you mean by hate going into winz & sometimes winz officers can be very rude but it sounds like you have a very nice case officer..... chin up hun things will get better... You have your little man there with you....Take Care xox

We still have joint accounts at the moment and I am going to counselling.   I am amazed at how much support I have had however I notice after a while it seems to fade away but I guess that is when I have to ask for help. There is a real pride issue here but I have DS to think about so that has to go out the window.   I also worry about the future, the whole stigma of being a solo-mum which I know is dumb. I have always wondered how solo-mums do it, now I may find out!

But.........I know I shouldn't get excited but I can't help it! DH has finally agreed to go to counselling. I said that it could actually make his mind up that he does want to leave me permanently plus we can then tell DS in 15 yrs or whatever time that we did all we could.

I know I shouldn't get my hopes up but I think at least this way i know I/we have done all possible.

I won't see him for a week because of his work but then next week we are going to sit down and sort out a time when we can go. I think he wants to go separately to start with so thats fine by me.

I also have a free 30 min appointment with a lawyer on Thursday to check re custody as I know he doesn't want custody of DS but for my peace of mind. I think I should still keep this so I know my options.

Why does life have to be so hard sometimes???