10 things no one tells you about being a parent

We love our kids to bits but there’s no denying they're the gateway to a life less stylish. Here are some of the lesser known outcomes of raising kids:

Ice Cream

1. You’ll gain five kilos from eating leftover fish fingers and the Goody Gumdrop ice-cream in the freezer that you bought for the kids.

2. You’ll develop nasty eating habits, such as swallowing tuna out of a can at the kitchen sink for lunch and eating really fast at the dinner table so you can spoon-feed little Jimmy who’s gone on a hunger strike.

 3. The backseat of the car will forever be a bird’s nest of colouring-in books, ice-cream wrappers, toy cars and glitter. After a while it will start to smell a little.

 4. World disaster news  will pass you by but you’ll become an expert on Toy Story 1, 2 and 3. You’ll also know all the words to “Wheels on the Bus” and, if you’re unlucky, “I’m a Barbie girl in a Barbie World…”

 5. You’ll develop a whole new range of aches and pains from lifting a three-year-old in and out of the car, having wrestling matches before bed and from being kicked “accidentally” by your toddler.


6. You’ll have to replace most of your jewellery after little ones chewed on your necklaces and played with your bracelets.


7.  After declaring your Smart Phone and iPad out of bounds you’ll inevitably give in to constant whining with disastrous results. Your insurance company will turn down your claim for a replacement iPad.

 8. Nine times out of 10 you’ll head out to a party/work/ coffee catch-up with your smart frock streaked with toothpaste.

 9. You'll find yourself seeking out strange hiding places for your stashes of chocolate - the king-size blocks you consume when the kids are in bed.

10. But cheer up, it’s not all bad. After a while, very little will embarrass you. A puddle of wee on the floor at the mall? Just pull out your wet wipes, clean it up and carry on.

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