Toddler tantrums
It's like a nightmare - you wake up one morning to discover that
your beautiful, angelic little baby has overnight become a
terrible, tantrum-throwing toddler. Whilst some toddlers are more
difficult than others, they all go through this stage to a certain
degree. And as for the Terrible Twos, well that's a huge misnomer -
some children enter this phase as early as 14 months!
The toddler years are a time of great transition for children -
they start life as helpless newborns, and over the first year
gradually acquire fine and gross motor skills. The second year of
life is all about mental development. Children develop
comprehension and language skills, and they begin to learn to be
independent.
In his BBC series, "Child of Our Time", Lord Robert Winston
explains that at around 18 months of age, children become
self-aware: aware that their own individual actions can have an
impact on the world around them. Toddler tantrums are one way for
young children to test their boundaries and assert their
independence. They are also an important means of communication for
young children who do not have the vocabulary to talk about how
they are feeling.
Experts agree that the best way to deal with tantrums is to avoid
them where possible.
Tantrums are often a child's response to not getting his/her own
way. Whilst your child can't expect to always get their own way, it
is a good time to introduce the idea of compromise. For example, if
your child wants to go outside to play, and you need to fold the
washing, you might tell him/her that you will take them outside
after you are finished, and ask them if they would like to help
fold the washing in the mean time.
Your child is more likely to have a tantrum if he/she is overtired
or hungry, so keep an eye out for tired signs, and offer regular
healthy snacks such as fruit and crackers.
Toddler tantrums can't always be avoided however, and there are
many different ideas on the best way to handle a toddler tantrum.
Remember also that something which works for one child may not
necessarily work for another. The most important thing is to be
consistent. Plan a strategy for dealing with tantrums, and stick to
it.
Some parents swear by Time Out - placing the child in a safe place
on his/her own until the tantrum is over. Advantages of this method
are that it puts space between you and your child, particularly if
you are feeling stressed by the tantrum, and that it teaches the
child that tantrums are not an effective way of getting what they
want.
The biggest disadvantage of this method is that the child will
often find a way of amusing him/herself whilst in Time Out,
therefore making it not really a punishment at all. A way of
avoiding this is to choose a 'boring' place (i.e. no toys!) as your
Time Out place, for example one end of the hallway.
Another method of dealing with tantrums is to flatly ignore them.
Once a child realises that they are not getting any attention by
acting out, then they will often stop and move on to a new
activity. How effective this is depends on the child, and the
parent. Some children can keep up a tantrum for hours, which can be
stressful for parents - pretending to ignore the behaviour doesn't
mean you can't hear it!
Some parents also use smacks to deal with tantrums, although
research has proven that smacking has limited benefits and may have
long term psychological effects on a child.
The toddler years can be extremely difficult for parents, but it is
also rewarding to see their child's personality emerging. Lots of
cuddles and quality time are good for both parent and child during
this time, and when the going gets really tough, try to remember
that it is just a stage, and it will pass.
Good luck, and enjoy the Toddler Years!
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