The Seven Sleep Stealers
By Jennifer Waldburger, LCSW, and Jill Spivack,
LMSW
There are seven main "sleep stealers," or reasons your child
isn't sleeping well; she may be affected by one of them, by a
combination of several, or-if you've hit the jackpot-by all
seven.
#1: No Consistent Bedtime Routine
Though most parents know a bedtime routine is a good idea, it is
hard to be consistent, either because there's too much to do or
because your child has so much energy that it's hard to slow her
down. Still, a predictable wind-down routine is one of the most
important tools your child needs to sleep well. Tips:
• Physical activity should come before the routine
• Should last 15 to 60 minutes at nighttime, and about 10 to 15
minutes before a nap
• Do routine in the same room where your child sleeps
• Do approximately the same activities each time in the same
order
#2: Your Child Needs You to Fall Asleep
It's the most natural thing in the world to rock or feed your child
to sleep, but doing this doesn't help him stay asleep all night -
many children who fall asleep this way awaken repeatedly. These
disruptions are often caused at least partially by their dependence
on certain conditions, or "sleep associations" - anything your
child associates with falling asleep, including being held,
rocking, sucking or falling asleep with a parent. Throughout the
night, your child drifts into lighter sleep phases to check out her
environment. During these "partial arousals," she's not fully
conscious-and as long as nothing has changed significantly since
she fell asleep, she returns to deeper sleep. But for many
children, if something is different, this raises a red flag and she
will need you to recreate the same conditions that were present
when she fell asleep in the first place. Not all associations are
bad; what's important is that your child can recreate them on his
own and put himself back to sleep.
#3: Poor Sleep Environment
Your child's environment plays a very important role in her ability
to sleep well. She needs to be protected from disruptions that can
prevent her from settling to sleep, sleeping deeply, and sleeping
for the right length of time. Tips:
• Your child's cot or bed should be all about sleep, and whatever
doesn't contribute to sleep should go
• On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being dark, your child's room should be
an 8 or 9
• Protect your child from distracting sounds with white noise. You
can use a fan, air purifier, or white noise machine
• Dress children in something warm enough to protect them without a
blanket
#4: Misusing Sleep Aids
Sleep aids include pacifiers, swaddling, music and blankies.
Although some sleep aids lead to sleep associations, not all are
detrimental. What's important is that you know when they are
appropriate and when they interfere with sleep.
#5: Mistimed Sleep Schedule
Allowing your child to stay up until he seems tired is one of the
surest ways to guarantee a bumpy night of sleep. One reason is that
your child will probably wake early, is due to morning light; the
other is that your child will likely become overtired. For children
of every age, there are optimal "sleep windows" in which it is
easiest to drift off into sleep. If your child goes too far past
this window, his body becomes stressed and produces the hormone
cortisol, which acts as a stimulant, like caffeine and can cause
your child to act "wired" or appear to get a second wind. Most
children do well with a bedtime between 7:00 and 8:00 PM; 8:30 is
the latest bedtime we recommend up to age 10. Choosing a consistent
bedtime doesn't mean that your child won't ever be able to stay up
late for a special occasion or a family night out; if he does stay
up late one night, try to put him down on time the next. Most
children need at least 11 hours of sleep to function well. And
bedtime is the time when your child is in her cot or bed with the
lights out.
#6: Limit Testing
Your child may not want to go to sleep because he doesn't
want to miss the action, and your older child wants more control
than he did as a baby. Put the two together, and you have a child
who will do everything he can to stall and prolong bedtime. We hear
stories from parents about their children's award-winning
performances as they try to delay bedtime. Pulling out all the
stops, they act as though they're in the Sahara dying for water or
insist that they'll waste away in the middle of the night unless
they have a bedtime snack. If your child isn't highly verbal yet,
she may simply tantrum when you try to put her to sleep. Either
way, the drama can be intense and almost always gets a reaction
from parents. It can be tempting to give in to the demands of your
adorable toddler, but delaying bedtime isn't good for either of
you.
#7: Night Noshing
To be successful in learning how to sleep your child needs to have
one clear, consistent response to his night wakings. If you
sometimes feed him when he cries and sometimes do not, he'll become
confused and will cry longer and harder overall. You may be
wondering how your baby will make it all the way through the night
without feeding. You have every reason to be concerned about this
if your child is used to eating at night, but by the time a baby is
5 months old and weighs 15 pounds, she should be able to sleep all
night without a feed. If you have a toddler who is growing well, he
is perfectly capable of taking in all of the necessary calories and
hydration during the day.
Jennifer Waldburger, LCSW, and Jill
Spivack, LMSW, are psychotherapists and co-founders of Los
Angeles-based Sleepy Planet, where they offer private sleep
consultations and parent education. Their book and DVD, The
Sleepeasy Solution; The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your
Child to Sleep from Birth through Age 5, were released in May 2007.
The DVD & range of CDs are available exclusively through The
Sleep Store in Australasia. Click
here to visit The Sleep Store and buy your copy!