What's it like being a dad in the 21st century?

First time father and educator, Logan Donnelly shares his perspective on what it's like being a dad in the 21st century. 

I was changing a nappy the other day and my dad was over. He said, “I’ve never actually changed a nappy before”. I looked at him dumbfounded, he responded “What? Your mum always did it”. That got me thinking about how the role of dads has evolved over the years. We all know that dads are a lot more involved than they used to be, but the change in just two generations is startling.

A BLAST FROM THE PAST

First off, did you know that back in the 1960s, psychologists thought dads had little to no role in child development? I mean, come on! One study even showed that the average American dad in the '60s spent just 21 minutes a day with their child and of that time they only spoke with them for an average of 33 SECONDS! Fast forward to 2023, and it had increased to 2-3 hours per day. Progress, right?

THE DAD DILEMMA

Here's the kicker – many modern dads want to be the opposite of their own fathers, but guess what? There's no playbook for this. They’re often the very first dads to do this involved form of parenting.

NEW ZEALAND STATISTICS

I dug into some New Zealand-based research, and here's what I found:

+  Level of involvement: Dads are generally less involved than mums, but the gap narrows as the child ages.

+  Direct responsibility: Only a small percentage of dads are directly responsible for their children all the time.

+  Gender differences: Interestingly, dads are more likely to read books at bedtime than mums!

THE PRACTICAL BITS

Alright, let's get down to some practical information...

+  Work-life balance: Men are still predominately the breadwinners when it comes to financially supporting a new family.

+  Parental leave: Less than 1% of dads take up governmental paid leave. If you can, why not be a trailblazer?

+  Housework: Men spend an average of 10.24 hours per week on domestic chores, compared to 17.49 for women. Time to roll up those sleeves!

ACTIONABLE TIPS FOR THE 21ST CENTURY DAD

Be present during the early days

Why: The first few months are crucial for bonding with your child.

How: Take paternity leave if possible or ask your work about dropping one day a week for the first few months. Try and be actively involved in feeding, bathing, and bedtime routines.

 Share the mental load

Why: Parenting is not just about physical tasks – it's about planning and organising too.

How: Take the initiative to schedule doctor's appointments, plan meals, and don’t overbook social commitments.

 Make time for quality interaction

Why: Quality time helps in emotional bonding and cognitive development.

How: Dedicate time each day for activities like reading, playing, or simply talking with your baby.

 Be an equal partner in housework

Why: Sharing household chores sets a good example and also eases the burden on your partner. It leads to a happier and more harmonious relationship.

How: Create a chore chart and stick to it. Make sure you're contributing equally!

 Attend parenting classes or workshops

Why: Knowledge is power, and parenting classes can offer valuable insights.

How: Look for local parenting workshops or online courses that you can attend with your partner. Or check out @_kiwidad on Instagram!

 Be open to feedback from each other

Why: Parenting is a learning process, and constructive feedback can be invaluable.

How: Regularly check in with your partner about what's working and what needs improvement in your parenting approach. Try to not get defensive!

 Foster a supportive community around you

Why: Parenting is easier when you have a support system.

How: Connect with other dads, join parenting groups, and don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it.

Meet Logan! One of our newest experts who will be writing for us each issue on the topics of relationships and parenting. 

Logan Donnelly is the heart behind KiwiDad, passionately advocating for young families facing the challenges of parenting in the 21st century. A qualified teacher and educator, Logan lives in Ōmokoroa with his wife Charlee and daughter Delilah. Instagram @_kiwidad

Photography: ERIN CAVE