What does romance look like in a marriage?

More words of wisdom from our favourite Nashville-based marriage counsellor Marie McKinney-Oates 

For the very first Thriving in Marriage link party we’re talking about romance in marriage. Does it exist? Can marriage feel like dating? Can it exist despite knowing what his dirty underwear looks (and smells) like?

True story: there is no way you’d look at my marriage and ever use the word “romantic”.

Mark’s never sent me flowers at the office, and most of the gifts he’s given me have been accompanied with the sentence “You needed a (insert a necessary item, like a phone charger)! Hey! Why is my pillow on the couch?”

And the lack of (traditional) romance goes both ways. I don’t shave in the winter (hairy legs: the original long underwear), and who seriously has time for lingerie? A wardrobe change at bedtime after hanging out with a toddler all day sounds like a horrible idea.

If romance was limited to gifts and creative nookie then Mark and I would be in tons of trouble. Thankfully, romance is much more creative than Hallmark gives it credit for.

Romance is in the magical moments that I share with Mark.

Our romance is in Mark scouring Netflix for an agenda-filled documentary because he knows I love them.

Our romance is in always greeting Mark with a legit kiss when we get home for the evening. No passive pop kissing in this house, Mister.

Our romance is in Mark pausing in the middle of a conversation just to tell me how pretty I look in that very moment.

Our romance is in  calling my mom to come get the kid so that we can enjoy each other (and a conversation without Caillou in the background).

For us, especially with a tantrum-loving toddler running around, the idea of grand gestures of love is simply exhausting. Instead, we are wooing each other daily with small gestures that will, if everything goes as planned, add up to the most romantic idea of them all:

Happily Ever After.



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