Top 10 mummy peeves
What makes you see red when you're having a sleep-deprived day and near the end of your tether? We've compiled a list of our favourites which, on a good day, make you laugh but on a bad day, grrrr.
1. You've just changed junior's nappy, then uh-oh, "Mummy, I done anuvva poo!"
2. Those milk bottles and peanut butter jars vacuum-sealed that catch you unawares with an ingenious new paper seal top that's nigh-on impossible to remove without sawing at it with a knife, leaving a jagged-edged mess. By the way, has anyone managed to unwrap a Chuppa-chup in under three minutes?
3. The piercingly high-pitched voices of cartoon characters on children's television. Dora, I'm looking at you, you pint-sized poppet.
4. My children when they over-use my name. "Mum!", "Mum!" sometimes from four rooms away, sometimes in my immediate vicinity with both of them going at once at full volume. Thanks, I'm hearing you loud and clear and now will you please shut up.
5. The fact that whenever you tidy up a jigsaw, puzzle, set of blocks, whatever, there's ALWAYS one piece missing that fails to show itself for at least three months. Usually, in a box of doll's clothes or, mysteriously, at the far back of the bottom cupboard.
6. That two-year-old phase when toddlers like to "post" things in the rubbish bin. Yes, I know, it's adorable but when the car keys can't be found it's just not funny anymore.
7. Gorgeous yummy mummies who regain their svelte figures within months of having a baby. It's not natural. Hormones alone count for at least an extra 5kg and we all now there's no one hungrier than a breastfeeding mum.
8. Children who don't say "please" and "thank you". Okay, I'll let the toddlers who can't talk yet get away with this one but to anyone over the age of three, I'm not an over-sized minion who appears magically with a plate in hand and then returns later to put your plate in the sink. Now, what's the magic word?
9. People you barely know giving your child a ticking-off for interrupting/yelling/ some other minor infringement. Thanks for your interference, but he's MY child and I'LL be doing all the telling off around here.
10. The number of times you get a cold at the same time as your period. It's uncanny how often the two varieties of bodily discomfort coincide - whoever is up there, thanks for nothing.