5 Top Tips for Lasting Love
The Parenting Place's top tips for lasting love
The first year of your first baby could easily be the most stressful in your life! At the start, your baby is a bottomless pit of needs, taking all your time, energy, and money. Typically, time together as a couple and physical intimacy are put on hold for a while. But this stage doesn’t last. As you move beyond merely coping, you will rediscover other pleasures in life and you will rediscover each other. When you under-stand that this level of stress is only temporary, you can be more patient and handle it a lot better.
Remember each other. In the whirl of baby-focussed busyness it is easy to forget those little acts that mean so much. You’re tired, but you can give a smile. Your body isn’t ready for anything too physical yet, but you can squeeze their hand. Money is tight, but bringing home some flowers or a little treat will be so appreciated. What does deep passionate love look like at this stage of life? It’s making a cup of tea, offering to take over some chores so the other can have a break, asking how their day has gone, and listening in a caring way to their answer.
Genuine, appreciative compliments are a fantastic way to build love and intimacy. It takes time to learn to be a Mum or Dad so compliment each other on progress and new skills. “I love the way you handle the baby!" “I can’t believe how natural you seem in the way you do that.” Pregnancy can affect a woman’s confidence in her attractiveness; admiring looks and words can go a long way to restoring a relaxed sense of self-esteem.
You may have lost your social life, but you still have each other. You’ve had to sell the jetski, but you have a baby. Your income has just taken a hit, but you won the jackpot when you became a family. This year is tough, but you have decades ahead.
You may have thought you had just proved your fertility beyond doubt! By fertilise I mean look for those things that keep you active, alive, and interesting. Create opportunities to meet with friends, do exercise, and get out. Listen to music, do art, and flex your brain. These things give you energy and keep you growing, and this has such a positive impact on your life as a couple. Don’t collapse into each other or totally focus on your baby so that you become boring and stale. You will have so much more to give to each other if you are being stimulated in other areas of your life.
|John Cowan is a writer and researcher with The Parenting Place. He has been married to Naomi for 28 years and they have three adullt children. The Parenting Place serves families through a variety of courses and programmes. Check out their website, theparentingplace.com, for more about their resources.|
AS FEATURED IN ISSUE 30 OF OHbaby! MAGAZINE. CHECK OUT OTHER ARTICLES IN THIS ISSUE BELOW