Attachment parents should be attachment spouses too
Attachment Parents should be Attachment Spouses, too
When I talk about the attachment needs in your relationship most people think I’m nuts. That I’m being unnecessarily touchy feely. “I don’t need him to be attached”, she thinks, “I just need him to do the stinking dishes!”
What I find HILARIOUS is that most of the new mummies (and maybe dads, too) have signed up wholeheartedly to the idea of Attachment Parenting. We make dads strip down for kangaroo care bonding sessions. We are disgusted by the idea of “crying it out”. We nurse until they’re old enough to ride a bike…
According to Dr. Sears (godfather of the Attachment Parenting movement), there are 5 points:
- Connect with your baby early
- Read and respond to your baby’s cues
- Know your child
- Help your child feel right
- Enjoy parenting
We want our kid to be attached to us. We want them to know we care, and that we’ve got their back (especially when they’re in distress).
Don’t we want the same thing with our marriages? Don’t we want to know someone gets us and actually gives a damn when we’re in distress? Didn’t we get married so that someone would have our back during the good times… and the bad?
You want a kick butt marriage? Get attached to your spouse.
- Connect with your spouse early (and often)… spend time together, go on that date night, cuddle, have sex
- Read and respond to your spouse’s cues… quit pretending you don’t see the tears in her eyes, realize he’s running away to his video games because you scare the crap out of him
- Know your spouse… what are your personality types? what makes each of you do what you do?
- Help your spouse feel right… don’t wait until YOU feel right to do this, sometimes you just need to go first and meet your spouse’s needs even if yours aren’t being met right now
- Enjoy marriage… put all your energy and focus on being friends again
You might not need to worry too much about attachment. But if your marriage has ever left you feeling: