8 tips every new parent should know about baby sleep

Curiosity and calm...
Sleep and development educator and mama of two, Dr Ainslee explains why these two words are your newborn-sleep superpowers. 

Photography Catherine Smith

Sleep is a pivotal part of the parenting experience, and it really can make or break the postpartum period. So, what’s the best way to prepare for sleep when baby arrives?

Plenty of people will give you rules and guidelines like ‘don’t make a rod for your own back by cuddling or feeding to sleep’ etc, but those suggestions are not helpful at all. The best way to set yourself up for success with baby sleep? Ensuring that your expectations are aligned with the reality of what biologically normal newborn sleep actually is.

Before we dive into my eight top tips every parent should know about biologically normal newborn sleep, plus the go-to strategies for handling each one like a pro, let’s start with what’s actually normal…

Newborn sleep is messy, varied, and nothing like the 12-hour stretch many people expect. Night waking is completely normal, naps can be frequent and unpredictable, and night sleep can be chaos. Short awake periods throughout the day and night are to be expected. Understanding these averages sets the stage for realistic expectations, and a lot less second-guessing and unnecessary stress.

NEWBORN SLEEP AVERAGES

Newborn sleep is incredibly variable, and that’s totally normal. Most newborns nap around 5-7 times a day, though this can shift depending on how long each nap is. Some days they’ll take shorter naps more often and other days fewer, longer ones.

Total sleep across 24 hours usually falls somewhere between 13-17 hours, but how that’s split between day and night can vary widely. Night sleep typically averages 9-10 hours (not the 12 hours you might have been led to expect), and wake windows are short, think 45-75 minutes at a time.

Frequent night waking, every one to three hours, is not only expected, it’s necessary for feeding, weight gain, establishing and maintaining milk supply, and even protecting against SIDS.

And when it comes to bedtime? There’s no universal 'right' time, some babies settle later, some earlier. The key is tuning in to what works best for your baby (and you).

AINSLEE'S TOP TIPS

1. Newborn sleep is wildly variable, tune in

One day your newborn is a sleepy little koala, the next they’re wide-eyed and ready to party. That’s normal. Newborn sleep is notoriously unpredictable. It's not broken, it’s still developing.

This is where tuning in becomes key. Rather than relying on strict schedules, start noticing your baby’s tired signs. Are they staring off, rubbing their eyes, zoning out? These cues can look subtle, and sometimes get mistaken for boredom. The more you learn their signals, the easier it becomes to know when they need sleep.

There’s no 'perfect' rhythm yet, just patterns slowly taking shape. Stay curious, not rigid, your connection is the best guide.

2. Remember, newborns don’t know day from night

When your baby is born, they haven’t developed a circadian rhythm yet, so it’s completely normal (and frustrating) if they mix up their days and nights. If your newborn sleeps more in the daytime than overnight, it’s not something you did wrong, it’s biology. The circadian rhythm takes time to establish but starts to kick in around two to three months of age.

The good news? You can gently guide their circadian rhythm to know day from night as it develops. How? Spend lots of time in natural daylight during the day, get outside if you can (especially in the morning and evening), and keep daytime naps in a well-lit space. You may read that babies should nap in the dark, but that can hinder their brain understanding day from night, so daylight naps are best when they’re little. At night, keep things dim, quiet, and calm to help their body start recognising the difference.

And don’t forget about you. Take turns with a partner, friend, or family member so you can rest when you need to. Newborn nights are a team effort, leaning on others can help you stay grounded while your baby finds their rhythm.

3. Protect the primary caregiver’s sleep

Sleep deprivation doesn’t happen in one rough night, it builds slowly, like a snowball. And while exhaustion can feel inevitable with a baby, it doesn’t have to become chronic.

Protecting the primary caregiver’s rest is key. That means valuing rest and sleep, and finding small but consistent ways to recharge. Could you sleep in an extra hour each morning? Nap during the day? Share night-time duties so you’re guaranteed sleep from 10pm-1am? Or have someone take the early shift so you can sleep deeply from 5:30am-8:30am without being half-awake listening for baby sounds? It’s not about perfection, it’s about protecting your capacity. You matter, too.

4. Share the night-time load

Night parenting doesn’t have to fall on one person. We were never meant to raise babies alone, let’s rewrite the narrative that the primary caregiver has to do all the night-time parenting. Having honest conversations, not once, but regularly, as sleep and life changes, about how to share the overnight care can make a huge difference.

It’s common for secondary caregivers to help in the early weeks, but what happens after that? Sustainable support means thinking long-term. For example, if your partner functions well on seven hours of sleep, they could sleep from 11pm to 6am, and support you outside of those hours. That small shift can significantly reduce the mental and physical load for the primary caregiver and help protect against sleep deprivation. It's not about doing it all, it’s about doing it together.

5. Connection is the key

You’re just beginning to know this tiny human earthside, and no one knows them like you do. Learning to read their cues, trust your instincts, and build that connection takes time, and constant recalibration, and that’s okay. 

Newborn sleep isn’t a puzzle to solve perfectly. It’s a journey of trial and error. You’ll try things, some will work, some won’t. Either way, you're learning. Every moment, even the hard ones, brings you closer to understanding what your baby needs to feel safe, soothed, and supported.

Forget perfection. What matters most is presence, patience, and trusting that you and your baby are figuring this out together.

6. Follow the golden guideline

If you've been trying to get your baby to sleep for 10-20 minutes and they’re still wide awake, chances are, they’re just not biologically ready for sleep yet, and that’s okay.

If your baby is content when you stop trying, give yourself permission to pause and try again in about 20 minutes. No pressure, no failure, just tuning into their rhythm. If they’re grizzly or unsettled, they might need more support to wind down rather than more time awake. If that is the case, lean into ALL the regulating tools you can think of such as feeding, rocking, babywearing etc to support them into a state of calm so they can sleep. Remember regulation comes first, sleep comes second.

This approach takes the guesswork and guilt out of sleep. It’s not about forcing it, it’s about responding to what your baby is showing you, in real time.

7. The witching hour is real (but it won’t last forever)

That late afternoon or early evening stretch when your baby suddenly seems impossible to settle? That’s the witching hour, or hours. It’s a normal, temporary phase where babies may cry more, resist sleep, and seem unusually sensitive or overstimulated.

Not every baby experiences it, and for those who do, it can look different. Some babies “witch” like clockwork every evening, others only occasionally, or not at all. It usually starts around a few weeks old, tends to peak around six weeks, and gradually eases by three or four months.

This isn’t something you’ve done wrong or need to fix, it’s simply part of your baby’s developing nervous system.

During the witching hours, the goal isn’t to correct, but to calm. Skin-to-skin contact, feeding, cuddles, dim lighting, and a quieter environment can work wonders.

But for some babies, the opposite helps, try popping them in a wrap and dancing around the room or taking a walk outdoors. The silver lining? These moments are your first real insight into your baby’s unique sensory preferences. What helps them settle now can offer valuable clues for how to support them as they grow. So approach this time with curiosity and calm, it’s not just about surviving the evening, it’s about learning your baby.

If possible, tag in a partner or support person so you’re not doing it alone. Some evenings are about soothing, surviving, and knowing it will get easier. You’re doing a great job.

8. Contact napping is not making a rod for your back

Newborns sleep best close to you. It’s no surprise that many newborns prefer to sleep on a parent’s chest or right beside them, after all, that’s where they’ve spent their entire existence until now. Your warmth, heartbeat, smell, and movement are their greatest sources of comfort and safety. Wanting to be close isn’t a “bad habit” or something to fix, it’s biology. Safe contact sleep or proximity sleep helps regulate their temperature, breathing, and nervous system, making it easier for them to fall and stay asleep and stay asleep. You’re not spoiling your baby, you’re supporting their development in the most natural way possible. If it’s working for you, it’s working full stop.

Newborn sleep isn’t a puzzle to solve, it’s a process to move through. For some it’s messy, inconsistent, and often nothing like what you expected, and that’s okay.

For others it is more consistent and easier. You never know what you are going to get. The most powerful thing you can do in these early weeks isn’t to perfect a routine, but to build connection, tune in, and give yourself permission to rest and regroup when you need it. There’s no gold star for getting it “right”, just a growing bond between you and your baby, built one nap, one cuddle, and one wake-up at a time. You’ve got this, and if it ever feels too hard, you’re not alone, ask for support if you need it.

Dr Ainslee is a responsive infant sleep expert and chiropractor who focuses on holistic support and education for families. Follow her on Instagram @babysleepwithainslee or check out her website babysleepwithainslee.com.